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Urban Legend slash OMG WTF 4/3/2009
I always though this was an urban legend, but I guess there
is some truth to it:
"Woman Has Sex With Her Dog It's likely, a 40-year-old woman and her husband,
44, will face prison after they are charged with sex crimes
in Great Wakering, Essex, UK. For example the woman had
sex with her dog, an Alsatian that was even trained for it.
The woman was arrested after police found a ...
0 Comentarios, 13 Vistas,
2 Votos
,1.73 Puntuación |
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jejeje uno corto 23/3/2008
A una ama de casa, a un funcionario y a un abogado se les pregunta:
¿Cuánto es 2+2?
La ama de casa responde: ¡Cuatro!.
El funcionario responde: Creo que es ó 3 ó 4. Déjame comprobarlo
con mi calculadora una vez más.
El abogado baja la intensidad de la luz, y entrecerrando
los ojos y con tono suave contesta: ¿Cuánto quiere que sea?.
2 Comentarios, 60 Vistas,
8 Votos
,4.17 Puntuación |
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es bueno reir un poco 3/12/2007
Estaban dos amigos gallegos tomando en un bar. En eso comienzan las noticias de la noche, en las que muestran
a un suicida en el borde del techo de un edificio de 15 pisos.
Entonces uno de los gallegos dice:
- Poz que te apuezto 1000 pesetas a que el tipo no ze lanza.
- Hecho!!
En eso se ve por la tele que el tipo se lanza y se hace pur en
el piso, por lo que el primer gallego ...
1 Comentarios, 55 Vistas,
9 Votos
,3.21 Puntuación |
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unas bromitas 3/12/2007
Llegan 3 hombres al infierno, un Gringo, un Hindu y un Chileno.
El diablo les dice: - Bueno, les daré una oportunidad de irse al cielo y salvarse
del infierno. Aquel que aguante 3 latigazos mios, se podrá
ir. Antes de los latigazos podrán ponerse lo que quieran
en la espalda, a ver si los aguantan !
Los hombres aceptan. Primero el Gringo toma una gran loza
de concreto y el diablo, al ...
1 Comentarios, 54 Vistas,
7 Votos
,4.31 Puntuación |
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hola 26/11/2007
Hola .
0 Comentarios, 12 Vistas,
1 Votos
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unas bomas 7/11/2007
¿Porque le dicen al Presidente Misión imposible? Porque cada vez que habla se auto destruye.
¿Por qué a Chávez le dicen el redentor? Porque tiene a cuatro millones arrepentidos
Estaba una hormiguita en cine de repente en frente se sienta
un elefante, la hormiguita inmediatamente le dice al elefante;
elefante tapa, elefante tapa, pero el elefante no le paraba
bolas, la ...
0 Comentarios, 34 Vistas,
4 Votos
,5.19 Puntuación |
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hay que sonreir un rato 30/10/2007
Llega un joven desesperado a una farmacia, donde le atiende
una mujer madura-Señora, tengo un problema serio, sufro
de erección permanente, ¿Qué me puede ofrecer? La señora guarda silencio por un tiempo con los ojos muy
abiertos y le dice: - Pues tengo esta farmacia en propiedad, un piso y una casita
en la playa.
El post operado al cirujano: - Doctor, entiendo que se vista ...
0 Comentarios, 52 Vistas,
7 Votos
,3.80 Puntuación |
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para reir un poco 30/10/2007
¿Por qué los pastusitos, ponen un hacha debajo del carro?
Para cortar camino
Le pregunta un amigo a otro amigo: ¿Cuál es la mitad de uno? Y el otro contesta: El ombligo...
Oiga, ¿usted cómo se llama? Yo Gabriel, pero cuando estornudo me dicen Jesús
0 Comentarios, 15 Vistas,
4 Votos
,3.25 Puntuación |
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unos chistes cortos 29/10/2007
Un Cubano acababa de regresar de EU, y estaba platicando
su viaje a sus amigos... - Sigenos contando chico' que fue lo que ma' te
gu'to de E'tados unidos?? - Pue' Nueva Yor!!! - No me diga' chico que fuite a Nueva Yor? - Pue' si te lo cuento chico! - Y Que fue lo que ma' te gu'to de Nueva Yor. - Madona. - Madona! No me cuente chico! Y que fue lo que ma' te gu'to
de madona. - Pue' lo' Ma'nuggets. ...
0 Comentarios, 22 Vistas,
4 Votos
,4.80 Puntuación |
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unos chistes mas 28/10/2007
Había una vez un niñito que va a bautizar a su hermano al Vaticano
y el Papa le dice: ¿cómo se va llamar la criatura? El responde: Zanahoria. El Papa le dice: pero mijito ese nombre no existe! Y el niñito le dice: ah, si, ¿y cómo usted se llama papa?
A un hombre le detectan cáncer a los testículos y por lo tanto
lo operan y lamentablemente se los tienen que cortar.
Ya ...
0 Comentarios, 28 Vistas,
2 Votos
,3.81 Puntuación |
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unos chistes cortos 28/10/2007
El portero de la cámara de diputados dice: - Señor saque su auto de aquí, que van a salir los diputados!
Y el señor responde: - No se preocupe, si tengo seguro antirrobo!
Un físico, un químico y un programador van en un auto por
la carretera. De repente, el auto comienza a hacer un ruido
extraño. Paran el auto, y dejando el motor en marcha elucubran
sobre lo que sucede ...
0 Comentarios, 15 Vistas,
3 Votos
,3.92 Puntuación |
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Mis cortinas 29/9/2007
Perdone, señor, esto
es para una encuesta, su mujer grita cuando hacen el amor?
Pues si, si, bastante. lo hace durante, después, antes...? No, lo hace después, cuando me limpio el pene con las cortinas | ...
0 Comentarios, 40 Vistas,
2 Votos
,3.81 Puntuación |
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Monja Picante 29/9/2007
[bg border=0 bgcolor=blue cellpadding=15][font face=Comic
Sans MS]Una monja iba caminando
con un grupo de internas por un pasillo, cuando ve un hombre
bien formado y tirado en el suelo, ella piensa que sus alumnas
no deben ver eso y decide sacrificar su pudor y sentarse
sobre el hombre, tápandolo con su hábito, al poco rato de
estar sentada, empieza a rezar:
...
1 Comentarios, 45 Vistas,
5 Votos
,3.47 Puntuación |
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grillos?? 29/9/2007
[bg border=0 bgcolor=blue cellpadding=15][font face=Comic
Sans MS]Un tio se lleva a una
tia a la casa de campo para hacer lo que todos nos imaginamos dentro del coche. La tia intenta dar un poco de romanticismo al asunto para
ocultar su verguenza y dice: Mariano, no es romantico el sonido de los grillos que se
oye entre la maleza? Grillos? Ese sonido no es de grillos, es ...
0 Comentarios, 24 Vistas,
4 Votos
,3.25 Puntuación |
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Buen invento.. la aspirina 27/9/2007
[bg border=0 bgcolor=blue cellpadding=15][font face=Comic
Sans MS]El marido sale del
baño desnudo y empieza a meterse a la cama listo para brincarle
a su mujer, cuando ella se queja diciendo como siempre:
- "Tengo dolor de cabeza" - "Perfecto", -responde el marido...- "Casualmente
estaba en el baño espolvoreándome el pene con aspirina...: La puedes tomar oral ...
0 Comentarios, 31 Vistas,
2 Votos
,3.81 Puntuación |
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5-6 27/9/2007
[bg border=0 bgcolor=blue cellpadding=15][font face=Comic
Sans MS]Este es Luis que le
oye decir a su papa: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Luis le pregunta a su papá ¿papá que haces? pues es muy facil , mira:
1 entro en la habitación, 2 ella entra, 3 me desnudo, 4 se
desnuda, 5 se la meto, 6 se la saco, 7 me visto, 8 se viste,
9 me salgo, 10 se sale.
Luis al ...
0 Comentarios, 20 Vistas,
1 Votos
,2.40 Puntuación |
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Dientes de leche 25/9/2007
Una de seis años
entra en una farmacia y pide un paquete de condones, a lo
que el farmaceutico le responde sorprendido: Pero si todavía tienes los dientes de leche!!
Y la le dice limpiandose los dientes: Uy, perdón no me había dado cuenta | ...
1 Comentarios, 76 Vistas,
3 Votos
,4.41 Puntuación |
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Corazón, corazón :) 25/9/2007
Mama, mama los corazones tienen piernas? No Pues papa esta diciendo en la habitacion de la criada: Abrete
de piernas corazn | ...
0 Comentarios, 14 Vistas,
2 Votos
,2.42 Puntuación |
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Mas hijos ??? 24/9/2007
[bg border=0 bgcolor=blue cellpadding=15][font face=Comic
Sans MS]Un abogado mantiene
un romance con su secretaria. .....Al poco tiempo, ésta queda embarazada y el abogado,
que no quiere que su Esposa se entere, le da a la secretaria
una buena suma de dinero y le pide que se vaya a parir a Italia.
Ésta pregunta: "¿Y como voy a hacerte saber cuando
nazca el ...
0 Comentarios, 18 Vistas,
3 Votos
,4.41 Puntuación |
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chiste informtico 24/9/2007
[bg border=0 bgcolor=blue cellpadding=15][font face=Comic
Sans MS]Un informático de
toda la vida decidio por fin tomarse unas vacaciones. Hizo
una reserva para un crucero por el Caribe y se dispuso a pasar
la mejor epoca de su vida.. por el momento. De forma inesperada,
se formo un tifón que hizo naufragar el barco en pocos minutos.
Cuando el hombre volvio en ...
0 Comentarios, 22 Vistas,
5 Votos
,3.80 Puntuación |
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unos chistes cortos 19/9/2007
Mamá, mamá, en la escuela me dicen interesado. ¿y por que te dicen así? Si me das $5 te lo digo.
Primer acto: una banana no acepta plata. Segundo acto:una banana no acepta plata. Tercer acto: una banana no acepta plata. ¿Cómo se llama la obra? PLATAno
¿Cuál es la diferencia entre terrible y horrible? La diferencia es que terrible es que venga una ola del mar
y se lleve a ...
0 Comentarios, 17 Vistas,
4 Votos
,4.02 Puntuación |
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POR QUE DECIMOS QUE LAS MUJERES SON CURIOSAS? 30/8/2007
Una monja tiene una urgente necesidad
de ir al baño, así que se mete en un Bar muy popular de la localidad. El sitio estaba full con música y conversaciones a todo
volumen y de vez en Cuando las luces del local se apagaban totalmente. Cada vez que esto sucedía, el lugar se encendía en aplausos
eufóricos por Parte de la concurrencia. Sin embargo, cuando los parranderos ...
0 Comentarios, 33 Vistas,
3 Votos
,4.41 Puntuación |
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Por favor , unas pizzas !!1 26/5/2007
Entra un tipo con 2 chicas despanpanantesa
una pizzera.
Hola , me pone 2 pizzas 4 quesos !!
El encargado contesta: - Familiares?
a lo que el hombre responde: No, son putas, y tienen hambre...
1 Comentarios, 56 Vistas,
5 Votos
,3.14 Puntuación |
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jejeje los hijos o los jijos ? jejeje 2/10/2006
Los hijos dan muchas satisfacciones. A mi, el mío me ha dado
innumerables, no lo negaré, sobre todo cuando era pequeño.
Se me caía la baba con cada cosa que hacía. Es verdad que he
sido un poco blando, ¡hasta me alegre por su primer suspenso!
Dije: "mira, como su padre!".
Pero esa emoción que sientes con el primer diente se te pasa
cuando ya le has empastado cinco muelas. Por ...
0 Comentarios, 52 Vistas,
4 Votos
,5.19 Puntuación |
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jejeje 2/10/2006
Operador del Centro de Atención al de Novell NetWare:
* Usuario: "Hola, ¿Es el Servico Técnico?"
* Técnico: "Si, aquí es. ¿En qué puedo ayudarle?."
* Usuario: "El portavasos de mi PC se ha roto y como
estoy todavía en garantia me gustaría que me lo sustituyeran.
¿Qué tengo que hacer?".
* Técnico:" Disculpe. ¿Ha dicho "portavasos"?
* Usuario: "Síi. Está incorporado ...
0 Comentarios, 34 Vistas,
2 Votos
,3.81 Puntuación |
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chistessss 2/10/2006
1. Otro usuario de Dell llamó quejándose de que su teclado
había dejado de funcionar. El técnico le preguntó sobre
las condiciones de conservación del mismo y el
le respondió orgullosamente que por estar sucio no podía
ser: "Lo he limpiado hoy mismo sacando una por una
todas las teclas y limpiando el armazón con agua, abundante
jabón y un cepillo".
2. Un técnico de ...
0 Comentarios, 275 Vistas,
3 Votos
,2.94 Puntuación |
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chistes siii 2/10/2006
1. La empresa Compaq ha considerado seriamente sustituir
la instruccion "Press Any Key to Continue"
por "Press Intro" debido a las llamadas que
preguntaban donde se encontraba la maldita tecla "Any".
2. El servicio de apoyo técnico de AST recibió una llamada
de queja sobre lo difícil que resultaba manejar el ratón
con la protección para el polvo puesta. La "protección
para ...
0 Comentarios, 50 Vistas,
3 Votos
,2.94 Puntuación |
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fracesillas 10/9/2006
"La vida está en movimiento constante". Parkinson.
"No hay nada tan importante que no podamos olvidarlo".
Alzheimer.
"Mi vida está llena de aspiraciones". Un asmático.
"El día que nosotros gobernemos todos temblarán".
Un epiléptico.
"Vayamos al grano". Un dermatólogo.
"No a la donación de órganos". Yamaha Instruments.
"Mi esposa tiene ...
1 Comentarios, 1481 Vistas,
16 Votos
,5.33 Puntuación |
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Tu la primera letra de nombre y el sexo 10/9/2006
-A-
No eres particularmente romántico, pero eres interesante
en acción. Siempre estas ocupado. Contigo, lo que ves es
lo que tienes. No tienes paciencia para estar flirteando
y no te molesta cuando alguien trata de tímido, lindo o sutilmente
excitante. Siempre estas frente a frente con la otra persona.
Cuando se trata de sexo lo que cuenta es la acción y no trucos
oscuros. Para ...
0 Comentarios, 201 Vistas,
1 Votos
,5.00 Puntuación |
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Windows Vista 10/9/2006
Un le pregunta a su padre:
¿Que es Windows Vista 64bits?
Este le responde:
“Bueno, es un S.O. extendido para 64bits proveniente de
uno de 32bit, el cual es un emulador gráfico de comandos
de 16bit parcheados para un sistema operativo de 8bits
que fue creado para procesadores de 4bits, y comprado a
una compañía productora de software de ...
0 Comentarios, 184 Vistas,
2 Votos
,4.50 Puntuación |
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El carnet de conducir 6/9/2006
El otro día dándole vueltas a la cabeza pensé en sacarme
el carné de conducir.
Pero es que hay un estrés, una presión...
Sisi, no se rían, es que el nº de veces que te examines antes
de sacarte el carné te marcará de por vida. La gente te preguntará:
¿Dónde estabas el día que murió Kennedy?, ¿Y el 11-S?, Y
confiesa, ... ¿cuántas veces te has examinado para sacarte
el ...
0 Comentarios, 269 Vistas,
2 Votos
,5.20 Puntuación |
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el famoso texto oculto 6/9/2006
Estimada señorita,
Apasionado y hondamente la quiero a Ud. jo-
ven hermosa, como es natural yo deseo proce-
der con toda prontitud y eficacia al fin de pre-
sentarla luego al altar de la iglesia y no enga-
ñarla vilmente, pues pienso que es usted la mas pu-
ra y el modelo inevitable y mujer buena y cas-
ta que pueda haber existido.
Asimismo, deseo depositar en ...
0 Comentarios, 88 Vistas,
2 Votos
,4.50 Puntuación |
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2 Chistes cortos 6/9/2006
Un loco llega a la oficina del manicomio a quejarse:
Buenas, vengo porque mi compañero de cuarto no me deja dormir.
¿Por qué?, le pregunta el secretario.
El tiene complejo de motocicleta.
¿Y qué es lo que le molesta? ¿El ruido que él hace?
No, lo que me molesta es el humo.
En cuantas partes se divide el cerebro de los politicos
?
- Depende del numero de ...
0 Comentarios, 942 Vistas,
29 Votos
,3.54 Puntuación |
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unos cortitos 17/8/2006
Esto era un hombre tan bajito tan bajito que se encontró
una canica y dice: "el mundo es mioooooo"
Por que la esposa de Hulk lo dejó?
Porque ella quería un hombre más maduro...
Había una mujer tan flaca, tan flaca que se ponía un vestido
rojo y parecia un arañazo.
Había una señora tan flaca, pero tan flaca que se tragó una
nuez y pensaron que estaba ...
0 Comentarios, 45 Vistas,
1 Votos
,5.00 Puntuación |
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La mentira 17/8/2006
-Doctor la noche pasada practique sexo con mi mujer 8 veces..
eso es bueno o malo?
A lo que el doctor responde:
- Eso es mentira, amigo.
0 Comentarios, 141 Vistas,
3 Votos
,2.45 Puntuación |
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el mani 17/8/2006
Mama, Mama, mi hermanito tiene el pene como un man.
- Chiquito?
- No, saladito!
0 Comentarios, 49 Vistas,
2 Votos
,3.81 Puntuación |
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Uno cruel 10/8/2006
Había una vez un enanito que entra en un bar, saluda a todo
el mundo, y llega hasta donde está la persona que sirve el
trago, pero no alcanza, y empieza a saltar diciendo:
"¡UN WHISKY, POR FAVOR! ¡UN WHISKyY, POR FAVOR!"
Así varias veces, hasta que se cansó de saltar porque nadie
lo atendía, y se dió cuenta que había una silla donde subirse
para ver por qué nadie le atendía, y ...
0 Comentarios, 787 Vistas,
61 Votos
,3.49 Puntuación |
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DIALOGO ENTRE EL PIE Y EL PENE 8/8/2006
El pie mira para arriba y ve que el pene lo estaba mirando,
entonces le pregunta: ¿Cómo andás? Como el murciélago,
siempre colgado cabeza abajo, y a vos ¿cómo te trata?
Excelente fíjate que en las mañanas para que no toque el
suelo frío me pone unas chancletas, se mete a bañar me lava
muy bien entre todos mis deditos, después me seca muy bien,
me pone talquito, luego me enfunda ...
0 Comentarios, 276 Vistas,
8 Votos
,3.94 Puntuación |
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PORN OPERA 7/5/2006
La vanidad masculina no conoce límites. En las películas
pornográficas aparecen mujeres extasiadas que se derriten
en gritos de placer. Pero esos gritos, que se conocen en
la industria como ?porn opera?, los graban en un estudio
después de la filmación. Las mujeres tienen fama de mejores
trabajadoras: no necesitan hacer tantas repeticiones
y por eso gastan menos tiempo de grabación. ...
3 Comentarios, 367 Vistas,
15 Votos
,2.67 Puntuación |
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No entienden el ...mmm... 6/2/2006
Estando en la habitacion y ya muy calentones...
<br>
{TINA} Chinito ya quitate la ropa.
{NITO} mmm...En un ratito me la saco.
{TINA} Chino...te la sacas o te la saco.
{NITO} Ok..Ok..Ok..voy al bao y me la saco.
{TINA} Chino ya apurate...ya estoy mojadita.
{NITO} mmm...Ahorita salgo mi amor.
{TINA} Apura...mi zorrita necesita tu pajarito...!!!
{NITO} mmm...esperame con ...
0 Comentarios, 134 Vistas,
7 Votos
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No entienden el...mmm... 6/2/2006
Estando en la habitacion y ya muy calentones...
<br>
{TINA} Chinito ya quitate la ropa.
{NITO} mmm...En un ratito me la saco.
{TINA} Chino...te la sacas o te la saco.
{NITO} Ok..Ok..Ok..voy al bao y me la saco.
{TINA} Chino ya apurate...ya estoy mojadita.
{NITO} mmm...Ahorita salgo mi amor.
{TINA} Apura...mi zorrita necesita tu pajarito...!!!
{NITO} mmm...esperame con ...
0 Comentarios, 193 Vistas,
7 Votos
,0.75 Puntuación |
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Habian 2 protitutas en............ 1/11/2005
Habian 2 prostitutas en un ascensor y una le dice a la otra
, "hay olor a pene" y la otra le contesta perdona
es que se me olvido lavarme los dientes . ...
0 Comentarios, 496 Vistas,
26 Votos
,2.59 Puntuación |
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Estas era 3 hormiguitas que querian dormir en el cuerpo.... 1/11/2005
Estas eran tres hormiguitas que querian dormir en el cuerpo.una
durmió en los pechos, otra en la barriga y la otra en la vagina.
al día siguiente despiertan y preguntan como durmieron
la de los pechos:
-muy bien.hasta leche tomé
la de la barriga:
-regular no más.el ruido de las tripas no me dejó dormir.
y la de la vagina:
-pesimo;habia un cabezón que entraba y salia.lo golpee
y ...
0 Comentarios, 438 Vistas,
32 Votos
,2.77 Puntuación |
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En el circo...un burro 1/11/2005
El espectaculo mayor de un circo era la actuación de un burro
con todos sus atributos. en una función una persona del
publico desafio, por cien dolares, al dueño a que haría
reir a carcajadas al burro. aceptada la apuesta el desafiante
habló al oido al animal, el cual comenzó a reir sin parar.
en este punto el animador y dueño del burro, luego de aceptar
como válida la acción, ...
0 Comentarios, 724 Vistas,
76 Votos
,4.05 Puntuación |
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Estaban un zoofilico, un sadico, un necrofilo,un piromano y un masoquista aburridos y............ 30/10/2005
Estaban en una reunión un zoofilico(fanatico sexo con
animales), un sádico, un necrófilo(fanatico sexo con
muertos), un piromano, y un masoquista.y estaban bien
aburridos:
el zoofilico dice:vamos a violarnos al gato!
el sádico dice:vamos a violarnos al gato y le damos una paliza!
el asesino dice:vamos a violarnos al gato, darle una paliza
y a matarlo!
el necrófilo dice:vamos a ...
0 Comentarios, 538 Vistas,
31 Votos
,3.43 Puntuación |
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UNA REATA ....UNA HORMIGA 28/10/2005
Era una vez , una hormiga que pasaba por la selva en eso
escucha a un burro gritando:
-ayuda, saquenme de aqui!!!!
entonces la hormiga va enseguida y ve a el burro hundiendose
en un pantano en eso le dice el burro:
-pequea hormiga sacame de aqui!!!
entonses la hormiga le dice:
-como te saco de ahi?
(entonces razonando voltea atras) !!sorpresa ve una cuerda
y un mercedez benz ...
0 Comentarios, 184 Vistas,
11 Votos
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paletas paletas paletas ADIVINEN DE QUE?? 24/10/2005
Se subio un tipo a vender paletas en un autobus.
el tipo gritaba
-paletas .paletaaasss. paletass-
con sabor a chocha.
lleve sus paletas paletas.
<br>
la gente lo miraba las mujeres se reian. y una con otra se
sonreian. y el tipo gritaba
- paletas con sabor a chocha cuantas paletas . lleve sus
paletas.
muy atras del autobus un grupo de jovenes se reian.
uno de ellos se ...
0 Comentarios, 169 Vistas,
15 Votos
,1.60 Puntuación |
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chica embarazada 20/10/2005
Esto es un pueblo pequeño y una chica queda embarazada y
nadie dice quien es el padre.
entonces el cura del pueblo en el sermón del domingo se sube
al pulpito y dice ya que nadie quiere ser el padre del
de lolita yo desde aqui voy a coger una miga de pan y lo voy
a tirar y aquel que le de la miga de pan ese es el padre. asi
que coge el cura la miga de pan y la tira, la miga rebota en ...
0 Comentarios, 235 Vistas,
16 Votos
,2.25 Puntuación |
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PEPITO 17/10/2005
Llega Pepito con su pap y le dice: papi mis calificaciones
Pap: que un 6 Pepito, tanto que me esfuerzo trabajando
para esto; esto se merece una golpiza
Pepito: no hay problema, yo le digo donde vive la profesora.
0 Comentarios, 185 Vistas,
9 Votos
,2.78 Puntuación |
|
LA RANA DE LOS DESEOS (( NO SUBESTIMES A UNA MUJER)) 16/10/2005
La rana de los deseos
Una mujer estaba jugando golf un dia cuando su pelota fue
a parar en el bosque. Fue a buscarla y encontró a una rana
en una trampa.
La rana le dijo: "- Si me liberas de esta trampa, te
concederé tres deseos"
La mujer libero a la Rana y esta le dijo:
-Gracias, pero no te mencione que había una condición a
tus deseos, cualquier cosa que tu desees, a tu ...
0 Comentarios, 132 Vistas,
13 Votos
,4.32 Puntuación |
|
TERAPIA SEXUAL 16/10/2005
TERAPIA SEXUAL
<br>
<br>
Una pareja de maduros acude a la consulta de un terapeuta
sexual.
Sin muchos preàmbulos, el caballero le dice:
- Doctor ¿podria observarnos mientras hacemos el amor?
<br>
<br>
El doctor queda un poco sorprendido ante la propuesta,
pero acepta... Cuando la pareja termina, el doctor les
dice:
<br>
...
0 Comentarios, 135 Vistas,
11 Votos
,4.29 Puntuación |
|
EN UN COLEGIO 16/10/2005
En un colegio estaba la profesora enseñando etiqueta,
protocolo y buenas costumbres; al final de la clase les
dice.
"bueno chicos ahora vamos a ver un ejemplo práctico
sobre protocolo y etiqueta". y pregunta "han
invitado a cenar a una chica y de pronto les dan ganas de ir
al baño.¿cómo se levantarían de la mesa para ir al baño?"
pepito levanta la mano y la profesora le dice que ...
0 Comentarios, 128 Vistas,
10 Votos
,4.18 Puntuación |
|
PEPITO YA VA AL BANO SOLO? 16/10/2005
Pepito ya va al bao solo.
pepito es encargado con la servienta mientras su su mama
realiza su trabajo, de repente pepito le avisa a la sirvienta
que va a ir al bao, al llegar a este se acerca al w.c. se baja
el siper y de puntitas para alcanzar inicia su necesidad
al terminar si querer se regresa la tapa del w.c. y le machuca
su miembro y pepito se agarra y empieza a llorar a gritos
por ...
0 Comentarios, 129 Vistas,
9 Votos
,3.21 Puntuación |
|
TRES MONJITAS 16/10/2005
Se encontraban tres monjitas en el convento platicando:
-el día que me tocó hacer la limpieza en el cuarto del padre-
dice la primer monja- me encontre unos condones en su cajón
<br>
-y que hiciste-pregunta la segunda monja- persinandose
a la vez.
<br>
-pues agarré un alfiler y le empezé a hacer muchos agujeros-
<br>
en seguida dijo eso y la tercera moja se ...
0 Comentarios, 138 Vistas,
12 Votos
,3.33 Puntuación |
|
Un viejito?? 16/10/2005
Un viejito que padecía de amnesia muere y va al cielo y se
encuentra con pedro:
<br>
-cuentame algo de tu vida-dice pedro
<br>
-no recuerdo casi nada solamente que yo era carpintero
y mi era un milagro-dice el viejito
<br>
sorprendido pedro llama a jesús:
<br>
-jesús, creo que hemos encontrado a tu padre-
<br>
jesús con los brazos extendido ...
1 Comentarios, 282 Vistas,
22 Votos
,3.61 Puntuación |
|
¿Son todos iguales?, ¿son complicados? 5/10/2005
ASI SON LOS HOMBRES
<br>
* Los Hombres que son buena gente, son feos.
<br>
* Los Hombres guapos, no son buena gente.
<br>
* Los Hombres guapos y buena gente, son gays.
<br>
* Los Hombres guapos, buena gente y heterosexuales están
casados.
<br>
* Los Hombres no tan guapos pero buena gente, no tienen dinero.
<br>
* Los Hombres no tan ...
4 Comentarios, 325 Vistas,
22 Votos
,4.33 Puntuación |
|
Comentario humoristico a las 55 reglas de oro de la esclava 7/12/2004
Las 55 reglas de oro de una esclava.
<br>
<br>
<br>
Estas que encontrareis a continuación resumidas en 55
puntos son las normas básicas de comportamiento que un
amo debería inculcar a su esclava a lo largo del proceso
de doma y aprendizaje con la finalidad de determinar con
meridiana claridad los roles que son propios de una buena
y completa relación ...
0 Comentarios, 399 Vistas,
33 Votos
,3.06 Puntuación |
|
toliet paper ............... 18/3/2024
this rabbit is sitting under a tree taking his morning dump
and along walks a big bear and leans against the tree and
the little rabbit is so scared that he is clinched up too tight to squeeze one out
the bear notices him and says morning rabbit to which the
rabbit replies m m morning mr bear while trying his best to finish and run
away <br><br>
the bear grunts a couple times and ...
0 Comentarios, 3 Vistas,
0 Votos
|
|
The Heaven year itch 18/2/2024
When you die and go up rather than down, you are asked a question
and must answer it correctly to pass through the gates.
There is a blonde ahead of me ready to be asked her question
and she is all fidgety and nervous ... I heard St Peter mutter
to himself, 'Lord Father, she seems like a nice girl
so I will ask her an easy question'... So he asks her
, 'What is the name of Gods only ...
0 Comentarios, 5 Vistas,
2 Votos
,0.34 Puntuación |
|
SLUt....(SaltLake, Ut) 18/2/2024
Back about 10 years ago I was living quite well on the Jersey
shore. Had a great job, beautiful Benz, spent weekends
back up in my hometown next to NYC, spent lots of time at the
beach or on the water, had good times in AC or up in Philly....
It was great ! When I talk about it to people now they often
will ask, 'So what on earth brought you to Salt Lake
City ?' And I tell them ...
0 Comentarios, 4 Vistas,
1 Votos
|
|
why dont you diet ? 30/11/2023
fat guy in locker room shower and guy walks in and asks. "how
long since you seen your dick " fat guy says ... long time guy says "why dont you diet ? fat guy says " why what color is it now ? <br><br>
<br><br>
please comment
0 Comentarios, 29 Vistas,
20 Votos
|
|
I like my women like I like my coffee 19/10/2023
I send it back for not being hot enough!
1 Comentarios, 28 Vistas,
23 Votos
|
|
Meh 10/10/2023
When did the messenger stop letting new members message
people using points?
0 Comentarios, 26 Vistas,
20 Votos
,0.06 Puntuación |
|
The Engagement Ring 9/10/2023
The kinky couples had a long & restless weekend, husband
uses his free hand & pushes his wife's belly in
ward, he said ... "Don't move my love ... I think
I found our engagement ring"... he pulls his wrist
out of her ass... curious, he then said... "This isn't
mine".
0 Comentarios, 14 Vistas,
6 Votos
,0.52 Puntuación |
|
joke 9/8/2023
question what's better than a dozen roses on a piano
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
answer tulips (two lips) on an organ
1 Comentarios, 34 Vistas,
30 Votos
|
|
guaranteed weight loss 4/5/2023
man walking down the street and sees a sign that says guaranteed
weight loss. <br><br>
he goes inside and sees a real beauty at the desk and asks
about the sign and she explains. pay 100.00 and we guarantee 10lbs weight loss in one day.
excited he pays her the money and she instructs him to strip
off his clothes and go into the room with the green door.
inside he finds the most ...
3 Comentarios, 102 Vistas,
33 Votos
,1.04 Puntuación |
|
The Biker 30/3/2023
A man riding his Harley was riding along a California beach
when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming
voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be
faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish. <br><br>
The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to
Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want." <br><br>
The Lord said, ...
1 Comentarios, 75 Vistas,
32 Votos
,0.71 Puntuación |
|
How do you piss off Whinney The Pooh? 8/3/2023
Stick two fingers in his honey
...
1 Comentarios, 85 Vistas,
67 Votos
|
|
I flirted with disaster last night 11/12/2022
Now disaster won’t stop texting me.
0 Comentarios, 85 Vistas,
79 Votos
|
|
Succeed 11/10/2022
If at first you don't succeed, keep on sucking until
you do suck seed.
0 Comentarios, 168 Vistas,
150 Votos
|
|
Sperm 3/10/2022
Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put on the wrong
sock this morning.
1 Comentarios, 153 Vistas,
138 Votos
|
|
Give it to me! 3/10/2022
"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm
so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she
wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.
2 Comentarios, 150 Vistas,
126 Votos
|
|
Sex Tape 25/9/2022
My neighbours just made a sex tape. of course, they don't
know yet.
1 Comentarios, 128 Vistas,
110 Votos
|
|
Fishing 2/8/2022
Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish,
and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
1 Comentarios, 177 Vistas,
153 Votos
|
|
Mobster joke 2/8/2022
What do you call a mobster who’s buried in cement? A hardened
criminal.
1 Comentarios, 152 Vistas,
139 Votos
|
|
just coz 26/7/2022
ignore this plz..
1 Comentarios, 52 Vistas,
41 Votos
,0.33 Puntuación |
|
Any? 14/7/2022
Any funny sex jokes anyone would like to share? I think we
can all use a laugh!
0 Comentarios, 173 Vistas,
159 Votos
|
|
coins 4/7/2022
just for coins
0 Comentarios, 0 Vistas,
0 Votos
|
|
A common theme 26/6/2022
I see a lot of posts for points
0 Comentarios, 152 Vistas,
133 Votos
|
|
A common theme 26/6/2022
I see a lot of posts for points
1 Comentarios, 132 Vistas,
121 Votos
|
|
A common theme 26/6/2022
I see a lot of posts for points
2 Comentarios, 97 Vistas,
85 Votos
|
|
hmm 14/5/2022
for points bcoz im poor
4 Comentarios, 142 Vistas,
115 Votos
,0.08 Puntuación |
|
Confronting hate 30/3/2022
hi-speed lead posioning is needed. What is the difference
between flying pigs and politicians? The letter F. Three
tampons sitting at a bus stop. What do they say to each other?
Nothing. They’re stuck-up cunts. All the richest people in Congress are Democrats, ever
wonder why?
2 Comentarios, 79 Vistas,
54 Votos
,0.08 Puntuación |
|
points 15/3/2022
just for points
1 Comentarios, 111 Vistas,
102 Votos
|
|
A laughting motorcycle 16/8/2021
What do you call a laughting motorcycle? <br><br>
A Yamahahaha
5 Comentarios, 213 Vistas,
183 Votos
|
|
Any funny Sex Stories 12/8/2021
Anyone love to share something funny that has occurred
in bed?
2 Comentarios, 159 Vistas,
140 Votos
|
|
Airplanes 11/8/2021
I have a joke about airplanes, but it seems to go over peoples
heads.
2 Comentarios, 169 Vistas,
151 Votos
|
|
SEX Jokes 26/7/2021
Anyone have some funny jokes or stories that have occurred
while in the sack?
0 Comentarios, 119 Vistas,
101 Votos
|
|
JOKERS 5/5/2021
Any funny sex jokes out there?
0 Comentarios, 117 Vistas,
104 Votos
|
|
bad joke 28/4/2021
man walks into a bar.... ouch!
2 Comentarios, 169 Vistas,
136 Votos
|
|
Funny 8/4/2021
An funny sex jokes out there?
0 Comentarios, 98 Vistas,
88 Votos
|
|
Vaccine joke 26/2/2021
If we get our Covid vaccine shot in our butt, can we call that
shot a "Butta-Fauci?"
3 Comentarios, 173 Vistas,
158 Votos
|
|
Mask-cott 25/2/2021
If we boycott the mask mandates, can we that a "Mask-cott"?
2 Comentarios, 155 Vistas,
140 Votos
|
|
Canine quarantine 21/2/2021
The World Health Organization, W.H.O., is concerned that
the new virus will spread to dogs. Therefore they have ordered
all dogs worldwide to be quarantined for 14 to keep dogs
safe from the new covid virus. 15 days from now you can release your dog out of quarantine,
and then you can sing "W.H.O. let the dogs out?"
6 Comentarios, 124 Vistas,
103 Votos
|
|
Bad dad joke 3/2/2021
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man
on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire!
4 Comentarios, 142 Vistas,
123 Votos
|
|
Ladies and Gentlemen 6/1/2021
I give you all. <br><br>
Joke ends
1 Comentarios, 59 Vistas,
48 Votos
|
|
Dirty jokes 9/10/2020
Anyone have good dirty jokes to share? lol
2 Comentarios, 85 Vistas,
71 Votos
|
|
kinsey 14/5/2020
Anyone else old enough remember the movie ""?
They claimed Revel's Bolero was THE choice in banging
music. Awhile later Kinsey did A study and OMG Bolero was
America's choice. Incredibly enough for Gay Men their
choice was also a classical piece the "William Bend
Overture".
4 Comentarios, 254 Vistas,
223 Votos
,0.05 Puntuación |
|
ignore please :P 7/4/2020
taco butt
10 Comentarios, 369 Vistas,
301 Votos
,0.28 Puntuación |
|
please ignore 20/3/2020
just for coz im horny
0 Comentarios, 8 Vistas,
8 Votos
,1.62 Puntuación |
|
blonde school teacher 15/3/2020
a young blonde school teacher was trying to make her students
understand blood circulation. after going over what the books said a couple of times she
realized it was going to take more effort on her part to make
them understand. since she was wearing pants she stood
on her head against the wall for couple minutes. then she
asked a couple of students to come up and make observations.
one of them ...
2 Comentarios, 215 Vistas,
110 Votos
,0.26 Puntuación |
|
Making jokes of others 02 26/2/2020
I can imagine why some people make jokes of others.... Bottom line is that most of them have low self-esteem. What do u think ?
1 Comentarios, 184 Vistas,
166 Votos
,0.55 Puntuación |
|
Making jokes of others 01 12/2/2020
Telling jokes so every one laughs is one thing, making fun
of someone is another. Making something thats funny a joke is something else than
making him a joke ! ty
3 Comentarios, 194 Vistas,
177 Votos
,0.63 Puntuación |
|
Canadian joke 29/1/2020
How do you upset a Canadian? In conversation, say "oh, you meant ice
hockey."
9 Comentarios, 300 Vistas,
238 Votos
,0.49 Puntuación |
|
Why? 16/1/2020
Why do women wake up and rub their eyes? <br><br>
Because they don't have any balls to scratch.
6 Comentarios, 280 Vistas,
231 Votos
,0.73 Puntuación |
|
Sexist 13/1/2020
Why do women have smaller feet than men? <br><br>
To enable them to get closer to the kitchen sink!
0 Comentarios, 10 Vistas,
7 Votos
,1.77 Puntuación |
|
How many good people 11/1/2020
Does it take to find
4 Comentarios, 245 Vistas,
197 Votos
,0.28 Puntuación |
|
Hunting Season 8/1/2020
A father goes hunting for some deer and he nails a beautiful
1o point buck butt does a bad job cleaning the meat when he
makes it for dinner. His wife comes by later and says "Dear
I was masturbating and I found a pellet." He thinks
nothing of it and tell her not to worry about it. Later his
daughter comes by says she got horny and found a pellet when
she tried to fuck herself. He ...
3 Comentarios, 275 Vistas,
155 Votos
,1.37 Puntuación |
|
A dad joke 5/1/2020
Did you hear about the Victoria's secret in Canada?
They are thinking of changing their name to 'Panty
Hosers'.
5 Comentarios, 176 Vistas,
144 Votos
,1.06 Puntuación |
|
How Many? 1/1/2020
How many guitarists does it take change a light bulb?
<br><br>
. change it and 10 sit around and say, "I
could have changed that way better!"
1 Comentarios, 97 Vistas,
86 Votos
,1.66 Puntuación |
|
... dad joke ... 29/12/2019
"How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie
in it!"
1 Comentarios, 56 Vistas,
49 Votos
,0.57 Puntuación |
|
The doctor is in 26/12/2019
Knock knock
5 Comentarios, 65 Vistas,
37 Votos
,1.04 Puntuación |
|
What's the difference? 26/12/2019
What's the difference between an oral thermometer
and a rectal thermometer? <br><br>
The taste.
1 Comentarios, 34 Vistas,
24 Votos
,1.77 Puntuación |
|
Barred2 23/12/2019
Bear walks into a bar. <br><br>
Bear:- "one pint of ..........................
beer please" <br><br>
Barman:- "why the long pause?" <br><br>
(Bear:- "waiting for more points")
2 Comentarios, 33 Vistas,
25 Votos
,1.47 Puntuación |
|
Barred 23/12/2019
Horse walks into a bar. <br><br>
Barman:- "why the long face?" <br><br>
(Horse:- "Haven't got enough points to chat
to someone...")
3 Comentarios, 22 Vistas,
14 Votos
,1.54 Puntuación |
|
Hoping to make a good point..... 23/12/2019
<br><br>
. <br><br>
. <br><br>
<br><br>
. <br><br>
. <br><br>
. <br><br>
. <br><br>
. .... or 2 or 3.
2 Comentarios, 20 Vistas,
12 Votos
,0.86 Puntuación |
|
Dad Joke... 21/12/2019
What’s Beethoven doing in his grave... <br><br>
De-composing
2 Comentarios, 17 Vistas,
13 Votos
,1.30 Puntuación |
|
Dad Joke . . . 19/12/2019
Which bear is the most condescending? A pan-duh!
0 Comentarios, 6 Vistas,
6 Votos
,1.37 Puntuación |
|
What goes up, and never comes down?.......................... 12/12/2019
<br><br>
. <br><br>
. <br><br>
. <br><br>
. <br><br>
. ..... the amount of points needed to chat to someone on IM!!
3 Comentarios, 12 Vistas,
5 Votos
,4.77 Puntuación |
|
Getting all catty 10/12/2019
Entered my cat into the cat olympics milk drinking competition.
She set a new lap record...
0 Comentarios, 6 Vistas,
4 Votos
,1.69 Puntuación |
|
Just getting by. 10/12/2019
What's the point? where's the points?
0 Comentarios, 4 Vistas,
2 Votos
,3.81 Puntuación |
|
corner warmup 26/11/2019
why should you sit in a corner when you get cold? because most corners are 90 degrees.
2 Comentarios, 16 Vistas,
9 Votos
,2.57 Puntuación |
|
pirate pay 26/11/2019
how much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook? an arm and a leg.
2 Comentarios, 13 Vistas,
10 Votos
,2.19 Puntuación |
|
A joke is a short humorous piece of oral literature in which the funniness culminates in the final s 6/11/2019
A joke is a short humorous piece of oral literature in which
the funniness culminates in the final sentence, called
the punchline… In fact, the main condition is that the
tension should reach its highest level at the very end.
No continuation relieving the tension should be added.
As for its being "oral, " it is true that jokes
may appear printed, but when further transferred, there ...
5 Comentarios, 50 Vistas,
18 Votos
,4.08 Puntuación |
|
watching 5/11/2019
watching drunk bitches get drunk and start to fight and
watching them fight is funny
0 Comentarios, 7 Vistas,
4 Votos
,3.63 Puntuación |
|
cheesy joke.... 2/11/2019
Where did you learn how to make ice cream? At sundae school.
2 Comentarios, 8 Vistas,
6 Votos
,1.94 Puntuación |
|
Difference? 30/10/2019
Q: What is the difference between an oral thermometer and
a rectal thermometer? <br><br>
A: The taste.
0 Comentarios, 4 Vistas,
3 Votos
,3.43 Puntuación |
|
Chuck Norris 26/10/2019
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he already
had three missed calls by Chuck Norris!
2 Comentarios, 12 Vistas,
7 Votos
,2.02 Puntuación |
|
How many push-ups can Chuck Norris do? 26/10/2019
How many push-ups can Chuck Norris do? <br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
... all! hahahah!
1 Comentarios, 13 Vistas,
9 Votos
,1.29 Puntuación |
|
dad joke.... 24/10/2019
"Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then
it would be a foot."
1 Comentarios, 6 Vistas,
4 Votos
,2.47 Puntuación |
|
make your point 14/10/2019
Hoping to make lots of points here.
1 Comentarios, 6 Vistas,
4 Votos
,2.08 Puntuación |
|
You old dog you 12/10/2019
What type of has magical powers..................................................................................................
............................... ............................. ......................... .................. ............ .......... ...... A labracadabrador
0 Comentarios, 6 Vistas,
6 Votos
,1.94 Puntuación |
|
Points 10/10/2019
Hey there, points points points.
0 Comentarios, 3 Vistas,
2 Votos
,1.04 Puntuación |
|
Points 10/10/2019
Hey there, points points points.
2 Comentarios, 12 Vistas,
6 Votos
,1.37 Puntuación |
|
Points 10/10/2019
Hey there, points points points.
0 Comentarios, 6 Vistas,
5 Votos
,2.16 Puntuación |
|
Points 10/10/2019
Hey there, points points points.
0 Comentarios, 5 Vistas,
4 Votos
,1.69 Puntuación |
|
Points 10/10/2019
Hey there, points points points.
0 Comentarios, 3 Vistas,
3 Votos
,1.96 Puntuación |
|
Oranges and lemons 9/10/2019
Whats orange and sounds like a parrot..........................
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
................... a carrot.
0 Comentarios, 8 Vistas,
6 Votos
,2.23 Puntuación |
|
looking at you 5/10/2019
looking for a woman here can be very hard because all they
want is what they prefer there wants most of the ladies
here don;t even realize that they are way off on there wants
there nothing here that is perfect you want all that tell
we see your picture and we see that your fucking joking ladies
wake up this is not fantasy world your not everything you
though you where believe most men here at ...
0 Comentarios, 16 Vistas,
9 Votos
,1.29 Puntuación |
|
dirty 3/10/2019
meeting new mature woman is a joke because some are sooo
serious and some are soo picky come on you are too picky your
mature you dont have the same when you where soooo
quit being sooo picky
0 Comentarios, 15 Vistas,
9 Votos
,0.86 Puntuación |
|
what did the cock say ... ? 26/8/2019
what did the cock say to the pussy? <br><br>
why, 'yes', of course!
0 Comentarios, 24 Vistas,
16 Votos
,1.66 Puntuación |
|
Knock Knock 19/6/2019
whos there ?
3 Comentarios, 26 Vistas,
11 Votos
,0.92 Puntuación |
|
I always laugth on this 9/1/2019
This reminds me, when i was tied up by the first time, and
suddenly I had to go to the bathroom, but I couldn't
6 Comentarios, 118 Vistas,
22 Votos
,6.37 Puntuación |
|
ER Visit 31/12/2018
A man goes into the ER complaining of anal pain. The doctor
orders x-rays to see what's going on. When reviewing
the x-rays they notice 3 plastic horse heads inside the
man's ass. The nurse looks at the doctor and says...
<br><br>
"Doctor, will he be alright?" <br><br>
The doctor replies.... <br><br>
"Don't worry nurse he's ...
1 Comentarios, 28 Vistas,
4 Votos
,2.86 Puntuación |
|
Tattoo 30/7/2018
A very tall man walks into a bar, and a lady recognizes him
as a basketball player. They start to talk, and eventually,
go back to his place. They start to kiss, and the man takes
off his shirt. On his arm, he has a tattoo that says REEBOK.
'What's that?' the lady questions. 'Oh, I have this so that when I'm on TV, people will
see my tattoo, and Reebok pays me.' ...
3 Comentarios, 81 Vistas,
15 Votos
,4.82 Puntuación |
|
Get well soon! 27/7/2018
A traffic cop was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed
appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well;
however, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs
in his crotch. <br><br>
Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors
hadn't told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital
gown up enough so he could look at ...
4 Comentarios, 92 Vistas,
13 Votos
,4.65 Puntuación |
|
Prostitute Files Her Tax Return 27/7/2018
A woman walks into her accountant's office and tells
him that she needs to file her taxes. <br><br>
The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll
need to ask a few questions." He gets her name, address,
social security number, and then asks, "What is your
occupation?" The woman replies, "I'm
a whore." The accountant balks and says, "No,
no, ...
7 Comentarios, 105 Vistas,
16 Votos
,4.74 Puntuación |
|
Born When? 24/7/2018
I was chatting to this girl in the pub last night and told
her of my uncanny ability to be able to tell the day any woman
was born, simply by holding their breasts in my hands. <br><br>
She thought I was having her on but was nonetheless very
curious. <br><br>
Eventually curiosity got the better of her and she said
“Oh go-on then, give it a go!” <br><br>
I ...
3 Comentarios, 58 Vistas,
10 Votos
,3.39 Puntuación |
|
The Silent Treatment 23/7/2018
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were
giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the
man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake
him at 5:00am for an early morning business flight. Not
wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE),
he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00am"
and left it where he knew she would find ...
0 Comentarios, 49 Vistas,
8 Votos
,3.25 Puntuación |
|
Confession 20/7/2018
An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini,
Italy, went to the local church for confession. <br><br>
When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional,
The man said: 'Father ... During World War II, a beautiful
Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to
hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic.' ...
2 Comentarios, 49 Vistas,
4 Votos
,3.63 Puntuación |
|
Getting The Most Out Of Counselling 15/7/2018
After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant
arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way
to save their marriage was to try counselling. They had
been at each other's throat for some time and felt that
this was their last straw. When they arrived at the counsellor's office, the
counsellor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion.
"What seems to be ...
2 Comentarios, 38 Vistas,
8 Votos
,2.32 Puntuación |
|
The King And The Counts 15/7/2018
A King ordered the heads of several of his counts chopped
off because they refused to reveal where they had buried
their treasures. As the axes began to fall, one count decided
to change his mind, but it was too late. Moral: Don't
hatchet your counts before they chicken. !"
0 Comentarios, 24 Vistas,
5 Votos
,2.49 Puntuación |
|
Small get together 12/7/2018
Son: There will be a small gathering in the school tomorrow. Please come.
Dad: What do you mean? Who will be there?
Son: Only you, me, and the school principal.
3 Comentarios, 116 Vistas,
12 Votos
,3.33 Puntuación |
|
All idiot 12/7/2018
Teacher: All idiots stand up.
A boy stands up.
Teacher: So you are an idiot?
Boy: No. I can’t bear your standing alone Sir.
3 Comentarios, 91 Vistas,
10 Votos
,5.18 Puntuación |
|
THE HORTH WITHPERER 12/7/2018
Bob calls his buddy Sam, the horse rancher, and says he's
sending a friend over to look at a horse. Sam asks "How
will I recognize him?" "That's easy, he's a midget with a speech
impediment." So, the midget shows up, and Sam asks him if he's looking
for a male or female horse. "A female horth." So he shows him a prized filly. "Nith ...
2 Comentarios, 39 Vistas,
3 Votos
,3.43 Puntuación |
|
The Golfer and the Leprechaun. 12/7/2018
An American golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive
into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun
flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the golfer's
ball beside him. Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle
from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving
him. "Arrgh! What happened?" the Leprechaun asked.
"I'm afraid I hit you ...
1 Comentarios, 37 Vistas,
6 Votos
,4.22 Puntuación |
|
My First Time 9/7/2018
It was my first time ever And I'll never forget I'd do it again Without a single regret. <br><br>
The sky was dark The moon was high We were all alone Just she and I. <br><br>
Her hair was soft Her eyes were blue I knew just what She wanted to do. <br><br>
Her skin so soft Her legs so fine I ran my fingers Down her spine. <br><br>
I ...
3 Comentarios, 35 Vistas,
6 Votos
,4.50 Puntuación |
|
Blonde Painting 9/7/2018
One day a blonde comes out of the tanning salon. She wants
to make some money so she goes to one of the rich neighborhoods.
She rings the door bell and says, "HI, is there anything I could do for
your house or you???" <br><br>
The man thinks and says, "Sure, can paint my porch.
You will find all the stuff in the garage." <br><br>
The girl says, ...
2 Comentarios, 37 Vistas,
7 Votos
,3.80 Puntuación |
|
A Drunk 28/6/2018
A drunk walks out of a bar with akey in his hand and he is stumbling
back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches, 'Can I help
you Sir?' 'Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr', the man
replies. The cop asks, 'Where was your car the last time you saw
it?' 'It wasss on the end of thisshh key', the man replies.
About that time the cop looks down ...
1 Comentarios, 38 Vistas,
10 Votos
,4.98 Puntuación |
|
Organist 28/6/2018
A small church had a very attractive big- busted organist
and her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled
while she played the organ. <br><br>
Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation. The
very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something
had to be done about this or they would have to get another
organist. <br><br>
<br><br>
So, one ...
1 Comentarios, 47 Vistas,
11 Votos
,5.04 Puntuación |
|
Finally a sensitive man 12/6/2018
A woman meets a good-looking man in a bar. They talk, they
connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his
apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely
packed with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There ! are
three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds
of cute, cuddly teddy bears, carefully placed in rows covering
the ...
1 Comentarios, 48 Vistas,
12 Votos
,5.98 Puntuación |
|
"I’ve outlived my dick." A Poem - by Willie Nelson 6/6/2018
My nookie days are over, My pilot light is out. What used to be my pride and joy, Is now my water spout. <br><br>
Time was when, on its own accord, From my trousers it would spring. But now I've got a full time job, To find the friggin thing. <br><br>
It used to be embarrassing, The way it would behave. For every single morning, It would stand and watch me shave. ...
0 Comentarios, 26 Vistas,
9 Votos
,5.99 Puntuación |
|
Senior Surgery 4/6/2018
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anaesthesia, he asked to speak to his son. 'Yes, dad, what is it?' 'Don't be nervous, son; Do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with ...
0 Comentarios, 36 Vistas,
7 Votos
,4.82 Puntuación |
|
AN OVERWEIGHT BLONDE 4/6/2018
An overweight blonde went to see her doctor for some advice.
The doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty
days. This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty
pounds. <br><br>
The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after
thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed
lost the whole twenty pounds. She phoned the doctor and
thanked him for ...
1 Comentarios, 41 Vistas,
14 Votos
,3.94 Puntuación |
|
Honesty 4/6/2018
A girl says to her mother "I know where babies come
from Mummy. Sarah told me." Her mother replied "And where is that, dear?"
The girl says "She said that you put Daddy's thing
in your mouth, and stuff comes out, and goes in your belly
and that's where babies grow." Her mother corrected her "No dear, that's where
jewelry comes from."
1 Comentarios, 28 Vistas,
10 Votos
,4.38 Puntuación |
|
My Travel Plans for 2018-2019 4/6/2018
I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots.
Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots
with someone. <br><br>
I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes
you there. <br><br>
I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport;
you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there,
thanks to my ...
1 Comentarios, 23 Vistas,
5 Votos
,4.45 Puntuación |
|
Holiday Present 28/5/2018
Bob's wife is going off to Paris for a long weekend with
her girlfriends. As he drives her to the airport, she says
to him: <br><br>
"Is there anything you'd like me to bring you
back from Paris?" <br><br>
Bob thinks about it for a while, and then jokes, "How
about you bring me back a cute little French girl?"
<br><br>
Bob's wife ...
1 Comentarios, 39 Vistas,
11 Votos
,4.29 Puntuación |
|
Billy Bob and Luther 24/5/2018
Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy
Bob tells Luther" Ya knowI reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation.
Only this year I'm gonna do it A little different. The last few years I took your advice
about where to go." "Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to
Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant." "Then two years ago you told me to go ...
0 Comentarios, 29 Vistas,
10 Votos
,4.78 Puntuación |
|
WELL, I'LL BE DOG GONE 17/5/2018
A guy walks into a bar with his dog and says, "I'll
have a otch and water and my dog would like a whiskey sour."
<br><br>
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't allow animals
in here." <br><br>
The dog replies, "Hey, I'm tired of being diriminated
against. Just give me a drink." <br><br>
The bartender says, "Oh, no, ...
1 Comentarios, 45 Vistas,
8 Votos
,3.94 Puntuación |
|
Photo on the night stand 16/5/2018
After a long night of making love, the guy notices a photo of another man, on the woman's nightstand by the bed. He begins to worry. <br><br>
'Is this your husband?' he nervously asks. <br><br>
'No, silly, ' she replies, snuggling up to him.
<br><br>
'Your boyfriend, then?' he continues. <br><br>
'No, not at all, ...
1 Comentarios, 28 Vistas,
8 Votos
,3.25 Puntuación |
|
Underwear dust 3/5/2018
evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said
to his wife 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes
in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your
butt!' <br><br>
His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't
let such a comment go unrewarded. <br><br>
The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out
of his drawer. ...
2 Comentarios, 49 Vistas,
9 Votos
,2.14 Puntuación |
|
Fireman Sex 1/5/2018
A FIREMAN came home from work day and told his wife, 'You
know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station: BELL
1 rings and we all put on our jackets, BELL 2 rings and we all
slide down the pole, BELL 3 rings and we're on the fire
truck ready to go. <br><br>
'From now on when I say BELL 1 I want you to strip naked. <br><br>
When I say BELL 2 I want you to ...
0 Comentarios, 31 Vistas,
3 Votos
,4.90 Puntuación |
|
THE BOTTLE OF WINE 1/5/2018
For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were
married, or wish you weren't married, this is something
to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine: Mary was driving home from of her business trips in Northern
Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on
the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet ,
she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman ...
0 Comentarios, 25 Vistas,
3 Votos
,3.92 Puntuación |
|
THE CORK 30/4/2018
Arab terrorists were in a locker room taking a shower
after their bomb making class in Toronto, when notices
the other has a huge cork stuck in his arse. If you do not mind me saying, " stated the second,
"that cork looks very uncomfortable. Why don't
you take it out?" I regret I cannot", lamented the first Arab. "It
is permanently stuck in my arse." "I do ...
0 Comentarios, 34 Vistas,
5 Votos
,2.49 Puntuación |
|
YOU CAN'T FOOL THE IRISH....... 30/4/2018
Mrs O'Brien comes to visit her son Seamus for 3 days
in Dublin where he is studying. She finds out that her son
lives with Vikki, a girl roomate. Mrs O'Brien couldn't
but notice how pretty Seamus's room-mate was.
She suspects of a relationship between the , and this
had only made her more curious. Reading his Mum's thoughts, Seamus volunteered,
"I know what you must be ...
0 Comentarios, 22 Vistas,
2 Votos
,5.20 Puntuación |
|
Cowboy 24/4/2018
Cowboy: GIVE ME 3 PACKETS OF CONDOMS PLEASE. <br><br>
CASHIER: DO YOU NEED A PAPER BAG SIR? <br><br>
Cowboy: NAH... SHE AIN'T THAT UGLY!
1 Comentarios, 17 Vistas,
6 Votos
,1.66 Puntuación |
|
THE BOTTLE OF WINE 17/4/2018
For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were
married, or wish you weren't married, this is something
to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine: Mary was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern
Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on
the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one,
she stopped the car and asked the Navajo ...
0 Comentarios, 19 Vistas,
7 Votos
,3.30 Puntuación |
|
YOU CAN'T FOOL THE IRISH....... 17/4/2018
Mrs O'Brien comes to visit her son Seamus for 3 days
in Dublin where he is studying. She finds out that her son
lives with Vikki, a girl roomate. Mrs O'Brien couldn't
help but notice how pretty Seamus's room-mate was.
She suspects of a relationship between the two, and this
had only made her more curious. Reading his Mum's thoughts, Seamus volunteered,
"I know what you ...
2 Comentarios, 19 Vistas,
9 Votos
,3.21 Puntuación |
|
WHEELIE BIN 17/4/2018
A dustman is going along a street picking up the wheelie
bins and emptying them into his dustcart. He gets to one house where the bin hasn't been left out
so he has a quick look for it, (unusual I know), goes round
the back but still can't see it, so he knocks on the door.
There's no answer so he knocks again. Eventually a Japanese bloke answers... "Harro",
says the ...
1 Comentarios, 22 Vistas,
8 Votos
,3.01 Puntuación |
|
Blowjobs 13/4/2018
A husband comes home to find his wife packing a suitcase
<br><br>
"Where are you going?" He asked <br><br>
"Las Vegas" she said' " You can get
$400 for a blowjob there, so i figured i would get paid for
something i give you for free" <br><br>
"Hold on" He said " im coming too, i want
to see you survive on only ...
1 Comentarios, 20 Vistas,
5 Votos
,3.14 Puntuación |
|
Disappointed 9/4/2018
A teacher asked her 6th grade class: “Who can tell me,
which human organ becomes 10 times bigger when it’s stimulated?”
<br><br>
Maria stood up, bright red and angry, and said “How can
you ask such a question? I’m telling my parents and they’re
going to get you fired!” <br><br>
The teacher was shocked by the outburst, but decided to
ignore it. She asked the ...
1 Comentarios, 33 Vistas,
9 Votos
,2.57 Puntuación |
|
A drover in the Northern Territories 8/4/2018
A Drover walks into a bar with a pet crocodile by his side.
<br><br>
He puts the crocodile up on the bar. He turns to the astonished
patrons. 'I'll make you a deal. I'll open
this crocodile's mouth and place my manhood inside.
<br><br>
Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute. <br><br>
'Then he'll open his mouth and I'll ...
0 Comentarios, 15 Vistas,
5 Votos
,4.45 Puntuación |
|
Good Ears 28/3/2018
A young man moved into his first new apartment on his own,
and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox. While
there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment
next to the mailboxes, wearing a robe. The boy smiled at
the young woman and she started a conversation with him.
As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious
that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke ...
1 Comentarios, 45 Vistas,
7 Votos
,4.06 Puntuación |
|
:P pointless 15/3/2018
Baka la a derka derka
1 Comentarios, 6 Vistas,
2 Votos
,0.34 Puntuación |
|
Vanilla Pudding Robbery 13/3/2018
This is just too funny not to share. Excerpted from an article
which appeared in the Dublin Times about a bank robbery
on March 2. Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts
at disabling the security system got underway immediately.
The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes
filled with cash & valuables, were surprised to see
hundreds of smaller safes ...
0 Comentarios, 32 Vistas,
9 Votos
,4.07 Puntuación |
|
Secret to marriage 12/3/2018
There was a couple who were married for 20 years, and every
time they had sex the husband always insisted on shutting
off the lights. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was
stupid. She figured she would break him of the crazy habit. So one
night, while they were in the middle of doing it, she turned
on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding
a dildo. ...
0 Comentarios, 24 Vistas,
4 Votos
,2.47 Puntuación |
|
TWO STRINGS 6/3/2018
These two strings walk up to a bar. The first string walks
in and orders and the bartender throws him out and yells
"I don't serve strings in this bar..."
<br><br>
The other string ruffs himself up on the street and curls
up and orders... The bartender shouts, "Hey, didn't
you hear what I told your buddy?" <br><br>
String says "Yeah." ...
0 Comentarios, 28 Vistas,
8 Votos
,2.32 Puntuación |
|
A LITTLE BRITISH HUMOUR 5/3/2018
The train was quite crowded, so a U. S. Marine walked the
entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left
was taken by a well> dressed, middle-aged, French
woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may
I have that seat?' The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular
'Americans> are so rude. My little Fifi is using
that seat.' The ...
1 Comentarios, 35 Vistas,
10 Votos
,4.78 Puntuación |
|
The Vicar's Salary. 2/3/2018
The local Vicar explains that he must move on to a larger
congregation that will pay him more. There is a hush within
the congregation. No one wants him to leave. <br><br>
Mike Smith, who owns several car dealerships, stands up
and proclaims: 'If the Vicar stays, I will provide
him with a new Mercedes every year and his wife with a Honda
mini-van to transport their children!' ...
1 Comentarios, 32 Vistas,
6 Votos
,1.94 Puntuación |
|
Chicken Sandwich 25/2/2018
Don't eat chicken sandwiches, no matter what.....
<br><br>
A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and
became friends. Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They
discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on all
through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn't
a chicken ...
0 Comentarios, 34 Vistas,
11 Votos
,3.54 Puntuación |
|
Toys 24/2/2018
What do boobs and toys have in common? <br><br>
They were both originally made for kids, but daddies end
up playing with them.
0 Comentarios, 7 Vistas,
3 Votos
,3.43 Puntuación |
|
Mice 18/2/2018
Mice How Many Mice Does It Take To Screw In A Light Bulb? <br><br>
Now, wait a minute, before you scroll down for the answer, see if you can figure this out. Come on... Think about it! How many? <br><br>
All right, if you think you're really ready to give up... <br><br>
but you're going to be very embarrassed.. <br><br>
<br><br> ...
1 Comentarios, 25 Vistas,
5 Votos
,3.14 Puntuación |
|
Frank 17/2/2018
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going
by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, 'Perfect
timing. You're just like Frank.' Passenger: 'Who?' Cabbie: 'Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything
right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed
a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every
single time.' Passenger: ...
0 Comentarios, 26 Vistas,
7 Votos
,3.55 Puntuación |
|
Truth 16/2/2018
A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences
between the sexes, and which one is better. <br><br>
Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s
something I have that you’ll never have!” <br><br>
The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly
true, and runs home crying. <br><br>
A while later, she comes running back with ...
0 Comentarios, 18 Vistas,
4 Votos
,2.86 Puntuación |
|
Math class 14/2/2018
A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't
paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three
ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are
left?" <br><br>
Johnny says, "None." <br><br>
The teacher asks, "Why?" <br><br>
Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." ...
1 Comentarios, 19 Vistas,
6 Votos
,4.22 Puntuación |
|
Primark Catalogue 9/2/2018
Two Thanetians were looking at a Primark Catalog and admiring the Models. <br><br>
One says to the other, 'Have you seen the beautiful girls in this Catalog?'
<br><br>
The second one replies, 'Yes, they are very beautiful.
And look at the price!' The first one says, with wide eyes, 'Wow, they aren't very expensive. At this price, I'm buying ...
0 Comentarios, 25 Vistas,
4 Votos
,1.69 Puntuación |
|
Crosses 8/2/2018
What do you get if you cross a bullet and a tree with no leaves?
A cartridge in a bare tree. <br><br>
What would you get if you crossed a bat with a lly hearts
club? Lots of blind dates. <br><br>
What would you get if you crossed a donkey with an owl? A smart
ass which knows it all. <br><br>
What would you get if you crossed a mole with a porcupine?
A tunnel ...
1 Comentarios, 17 Vistas,
5 Votos
,2.49 Puntuación |
|
Apples 6/2/2018
A bus driver and a doctor were in love with the same women
<br><br>
The bus driver had to leave for week and before he left he gave is love 7 apples
1 Comentarios, 23 Vistas,
5 Votos
,0.53 Puntuación |
|
A smart blonde! 1/2/2018
A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute
blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move.
"You know, " he says, "I've heard
that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation
with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."
The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly
and says to the guy, "What would you like to ...
2 Comentarios, 40 Vistas,
8 Votos
,3.25 Puntuación |
|
Three Little Pigs 1/2/2018
Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter
came and took their drink order. <br><br>
'I would like a Sprite, ' said the first little
piggy. <br><br>
<br><br>
! 'I would like a Coke, ' said the second little
piggy. <br><br>
'I want beer, lots and lots of beer, ' said the
third little piggy. ...
3 Comentarios, 32 Vistas,
6 Votos
,2.23 Puntuación |
|
Date Site Descriptions 31/1/2018
You might find this amusing. Dating Site Deriptions
What they Really MEAN: !!!! <br><br>
Female: Adventurous = puts the book down during sex, .
Athletic = No breasts, 30 something = 41, Fun =Annoying,
Wild = gets pissed easily, Beautiful eyes = face like a robbers
dog, Seeks knight in sinning armour = Ex is a fxxxing nutter.,
New age = hairy and smelly bits, A bit head strong ...
1 Comentarios, 21 Vistas,
4 Votos
,1.69 Puntuación |
|
Doctors Never Laugh 31/1/2018
Bob went to a doctor and asked him if he ever laughed at a patient.
The doctor replied 'Of course I won't laugh, I'm
a professional. In over twenty I've never laughed
at a patient.' 'Okay then, ' Bob said, and proceeded to drop
his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'whoo-ha'
the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been bigger than the size of a AAA ...
0 Comentarios, 17 Vistas,
3 Votos
,1.47 Puntuación |
|
Office Showoff 29/1/2018
A young businessman had just started his own firm. He had
just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with
antiques. He saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear
the hot shot, the businessman picked up the ph and started
to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures
around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, ''Can
I ...
0 Comentarios, 24 Vistas,
4 Votos
,1.30 Puntuación |
|
gissa a job 29/1/2018
This Kid will go far... This is an actual job application that a 17-year-old boy
submitted at a McDonald's restaurant in Florida;
and they hired him because he was so hst and funny! NAME: Greg Bulmash. SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person. DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President.
But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a
position to be picky, ...
0 Comentarios, 14 Vistas,
4 Votos
,2.08 Puntuación |
|
Maxims 22/1/2018
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Two wrongs are only the beginning. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have
to catch up. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. Change is inevitable except from vending machines. Get a new car ...
0 Comentarios, 19 Vistas,
5 Votos
,2.16 Puntuación |
|
North Carolina mountain man was drafted by the Army 22/1/2018
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain
man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training,
the Army issued him a comb That afternoon the Army barber sheared
off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.
That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On
the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been ...
0 Comentarios, 29 Vistas,
5 Votos
,3.47 Puntuación |
|
Spelling..... 21/1/2018
Thought you’d like this: Rearrange the letters to spell
out an important part of the human body that is more useful
when erect! <br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
P N E S I <br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br> ...
0 Comentarios, 20 Vistas,
3 Votos
,1.47 Puntuación |
|
A mental hospital 19/1/2018
After hearing that of the patients in a mental hospital
had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him
out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the reuer's
file and ed him into his office. <br><br>
"Mr. Haroldson, your records and your heroic behavior
indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only
sorry that the man you saved later killed himself ...
0 Comentarios, 15 Vistas,
2 Votos
,1.04 Puntuación |
|
Two Scots 18/1/2018
ots, Archie and Jock, are sitting in the pub diussing
Jock's forthcoming wedding. 'Ach, it's all going grand, ' says Jock.
'I've got everything organised already: the
flowers, the church, the cars, the reception, the rings,
the minister, even ma stag night... Archie nods approvingly. 'Havens, I've even
bought a kilt to be married in!' continues Jock. 'A ...
0 Comentarios, 20 Vistas,
4 Votos
,2.86 Puntuación |
|
THINKING OUTSIDE THE BOX 17/1/2018
You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy
night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people
waiting for the bus: 1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die. 2. An old friend who once saved your life. 3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about. <br><br>
Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that
there could only be one ...
0 Comentarios, 18 Vistas,
4 Votos
,2.08 Puntuación |
|
THINKING OUTSIDE THE BOX 17/1/2018
You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy
night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people
waiting for the bus: 1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die. 2. An old friend who once saved your life. 3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about. <br><br>
Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that
there could only be one ...
0 Comentarios, 7 Vistas,
4 Votos
,2.08 Puntuación |
|
But My Wife Won't Like It 16/1/2018
A Golfer accidentally overturned his cart. <br><br>
Elizabeth, a "beautiful" real golfer who lived
in a villa on the golf course heard the noise and yelled over to him. <br><br>
"Hey, are you okay, what's your name?"
"Willis, " he replied. <br><br>
"Willis forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest up and I'll you ...
0 Comentarios, 26 Vistas,
6 Votos
,3.08 Puntuación |
|
Dolphins 16/1/2018
A few ago, there was a really eccentric oil tycoon
who had taken it into his head to collect really strange
and exotic pets. day, deciding to add to his collection,
he walked into the store of an exotic pet shop and said to
the salesman, "Show me the most unusual pet you have
in stock!" The salesman took him to an outside tank,
in which a pod of dolphins were frolicking happily. ...
0 Comentarios, 16 Vistas,
4 Votos
,0.92 Puntuación |
|
Racing Snail 13/1/2018
My racing snail is not winning races anymore so I decided
to take his shell off to reduce his weight and make him more
aerodynamic. It didnt work if anything its made him more sluggish
0 Comentarios, 8 Vistas,
4 Votos
,2.86 Puntuación |
|
The Bacon Tree 13/1/2018
Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly
and close to death. They are close to just lying down and
waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden.......
<br><br>
'Hey Jose, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon I is sure
of eet.' <br><br>
'Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee.' <br><br>
So, with renewed strength, they ...
0 Comentarios, 18 Vistas,
6 Votos
,2.51 Puntuación |
|
Old man's health check up 12/1/2018
An old man went to the doctor suffering from Piles. The doctor
gave him pesaries and told him to put in his rectum every
night and come back after week. <br><br>
When he got home he said to his wife "Have we got a rectum?".
She replied "What's a rectum?". <br><br>
The old man said "I've no idea but I have to put
of these in it every ...
0 Comentarios, 25 Vistas,
6 Votos
,3.65 Puntuación |
|
Italian Honeymoon... 9/1/2018
The Italian Honeymoon... <br><br>
After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his
new bride, Virginia, Luigi stopped by his barbershop
in Jersey to say hello to his old friends... Giovanni said, "Hey Luigi, how wasa da treep?"
Luigi said, "Everyting perfecto, except for da traina
ride..." "Whata you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni. "Well,
we ...
2 Comentarios, 32 Vistas,
8 Votos
,3.71 Puntuación |
|
Little Sally 9/1/2018
Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face,
and told her mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his
weenie today at the playground!"... Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to
say, "It reminded me of a peanut... " Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's mom asked,
"Really small, was it?" Sally replied, "No, salty." Mom ...
3 Comentarios, 25 Vistas,
6 Votos
,5.07 Puntuación |
|
Leaving Early 9/1/2018
women all worked in the same office, with the same
female boss. Each day they noticed that the boss would leave
work early. day, the women decided, that when the boss left, they
would leave right behind her. After all, she never ed,
or came back to work, so how would she know they went home
early. <br><br>
The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little
gardening, ed ...
0 Comentarios, 22 Vistas,
4 Votos
,1.69 Puntuación |
|
A patient rings his doctor... 9/1/2018
A patient rings his doctor... <br><br>
Patient: "Doctor, I applied that Hemorrhoid cream
you gave me and got a terrible reaction!" <br><br>
Doctor: "Okay, where exactly did you apply it?"
<br><br>
Patient: "On the bus."
0 Comentarios, 16 Vistas,
6 Votos
,3.37 Puntuación |
|
Disappointed... 6/1/2018
A teacher asked her 6th grade class: “Who can tell me,
which human organ becomes 10 times bigger when it’s stimulated?”
<br><br>
Maria stood up, bright red and angry, and said “How can
you ask such a question? I’m telling my parents and they’re
going to get you fired!” <br><br>
The teacher was shocked by the outburst, but decided to
ignore it. She asked the ...
4 Comentarios, 38 Vistas,
7 Votos
,4.31 Puntuación |
|
No more a Virgin 6/1/2018
No more a Virgin <br><br>
The family is at the dining table. The little 10-year-old
girl does not eat and has her nose in her plate…. <br><br>
After a few moments, she says, “I’ve something to tell
you people” <br><br>
Silence around the table. “I’m no longer virgin”,
and she begins to cry. A long silence again. <br><br>
And then… ...
2 Comentarios, 36 Vistas,
4 Votos
,3.25 Puntuación |
|
Crabs... 6/1/2018
A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of
frozen crabs and asked a blonde flight attendant to take
care of them for him. <br><br>
She took the box and promised to put it in the crew’s refrigerator.
<br><br>
He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible
for them staying frozen, mentioning in an arrogant manner
that he was a lawyer and ...
4 Comentarios, 36 Vistas,
6 Votos
,3.93 Puntuación |
|
NI Women 27/12/2017
Three men sitting together bragging about how they had
given their new wives duties to perform. Terry had married
a woman from America, and bragged that he had told his new
wife to do all the dishes and house cleaning in the house.
He said it took a couple of days but on the third day he came
home to a clean house and all the dishes were cleaned and
put away. James had married a woman from ...
0 Comentarios, 21 Vistas,
5 Votos
,2.82 Puntuación |
|
Handyman Husband???... 26/12/2017
On a cold winter morning, wife texts husband: "WINDOWS FROZEN, WON'T OPEN" Husband texts back: "POUR SOME LUKEWARM WATER OVER IT AND TAP GENTLY ALONG THE EDGES WITH A HAMMER" Five minutes later wife texts husband: "COMPUTER REALLY SCREWED UP NOW"
0 Comentarios, 22 Vistas,
2 Votos
,1.73 Puntuación |
|
Crumbled Money/// 26/12/2017
While enjoying their evening cocktails, the wife asks
her husband, in a very seductive voice, "Have you
ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?" "No, "
said her husband. <br><br>
She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or
4 buttons of her blouse, and slowly reached down into the
cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra, and pulled
out a ...
1 Comentarios, 32 Vistas,
4 Votos
,4.80 Puntuación |
|
THE SPOON AND THE STRING 25/12/2017
A timeless lesson on how consultants can make a difference
for an organization. <br><br>
Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant,
and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little
strange. <br><br>
When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed
he Also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I ...
1 Comentarios, 17 Vistas,
1 Votos
,3.70 Puntuación |
|
This Is HELL to Write About: 22/12/2017
One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with
the devil... Satan: "Why so glum?" Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!" Satan: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a
lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?" Guy: "Sure, I love to drink." Satan: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays ...
0 Comentarios, 24 Vistas,
3 Votos
,4.41 Puntuación |
|
Frozen Turkey 18/12/2017
Sarah new young bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs,
'Richard doesn't appreciate what I do for him.'
'Now, now, ' her mother comforted, 'I am
sure it was all just a misunderstanding.' 'No, mother, you don't understand. I bought a
frozen turkey roll and he yelled and screamed at me about
the price.' 'Well, the nerve of that lousy cheapskate, ' ...
0 Comentarios, 20 Vistas,
1 Votos
,3.70 Puntuación |
|
Lion cage cleaner 17/12/2017
My first job was at our local Zoo, sweeping the shit out of
the lion, s cage........ most of it was mine. They fired
me the next week for leaving the cage door open, I said "oh
come on, who, s gonna steal a Lion?"
0 Comentarios, 9 Vistas,
2 Votos
,3.12 Puntuación |
|
I want to see something really cheap 15/12/2017
After being away on business for a week before Christmas,
Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.
<br><br>
<br><br>
"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics
clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50. <br><br>
"That's a bit much, " said Tom, so she returned
with a smaller bottle for $30. ...
1 Comentarios, 21 Vistas,
2 Votos
,3.81 Puntuación |
|
Ethel 14/12/2017
Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to
charge around the nursing home, taking corners on wheel
and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman was sandwich short of a picnic
the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually
joined in. day Ethel was speeding up corridor when a door opened
and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his ...
1 Comentarios, 21 Vistas,
2 Votos
,2.42 Puntuación |
|
The Wedding Night. 13/12/2017
eggs decide to get married. Along comes the big day and
everything goes to plan. But they are both very nervous
about the hymoon night so the female egg decides to dress
up in a skimpy little negligee to them get excited.
The husband comes along and sees his wife dressed like this
and all off a sudden runs into the bathroom and locks the
door. The wife is very shocked by his behavior but ...
0 Comentarios, 15 Vistas,
2 Votos
,1.73 Puntuación |
|
Catholic Dog 13/12/2017
Muldoon lived al in the Irish countryside with only
a pet dog for company. day the dog died, and Muldoon we
nt to the parish priest and asked, "Father, my dog
is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor
creature?" Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we
cannot have s for an animal in the church. But there
are some Baptists down the lane, and ...
0 Comentarios, 13 Vistas,
1 Votos
,5.00 Puntuación |
|
Onions And Christmas Trees 7/12/2017
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father,
'Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there? <br><br>
The father, surprised, answers, 'Well, son, there
are kinds of Boobs: <br><br>
In her 20's, a woman's are like melons, round and
firm. <br><br>
In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears, still
nice but hanging a bit. ...
0 Comentarios, 28 Vistas,
5 Votos
,5.10 Puntuación |
|
LIFE THOUGHTS BY 'DUCKY' 6/12/2017
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess'
on it. So I said 'Implants?' She hit me. <br><br>
Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative. <br><br>
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even
get into my own pants. <br><br>
How come we choose from just two people to run for president
and over fifty ...
0 Comentarios, 17 Vistas,
3 Votos
,5.39 Puntuación |
|
Looks of Disappointment 5/12/2017
A Irishman was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery,
and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered
open and he said, "You're truly beautiful."
Then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that before, so she stayed
by his side. A few minutes later his eyes fluttered open
and he said, "You're really cute." The wife was ...
1 Comentarios, 24 Vistas,
3 Votos
,4.90 Puntuación |
|
ONLY IN SCOTLAND 4/12/2017
A Scottish soldier in full dress marches into a pharmacy
to speak to the chemist. The Scot opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded
cotton bandana, opens it to reveal a smaller silk square
which he unfolds to reveal a condom. The condom has a number
of patches on it. He holds it up. 'How much to repair it?' the Scot asks the pharmacist.'Six
pence, ' says the chemist. ...
1 Comentarios, 21 Vistas,
3 Votos
,3.43 Puntuación |
|
Trained 29/11/2017
An old man who'd lived all his life back up in the hills
came to visit a childhood friend. Now he'd never laid
eyes on a train or the iron rails on which they run. Standing in the middle of the tracks one day, he heard a distant
whistle... WOOOO--ooo---OOOOO! but didn't have
a clue as to what it meant or his impending danger. Predictably, the old boy is hit -- fortunately ...
1 Comentarios, 22 Vistas,
4 Votos
,4.41 Puntuación |
|
Mick & Paddy 26/11/2017
Mick met Paddy in the street and said, 'Paddy, will
you draw your bedroom curtains before making love to your
wife in future?' 'Bejaysus Why?' Paddy asked. 'Because, ' said Mick, 'the whole street
was laughing when they saw you making love yesterday.'
Paddy said, 'Stupid bastards, the laugh's on
them ... I wasn't home yesterday.'
1 Comentarios, 21 Vistas,
5 Votos
,4.12 Puntuación |
|
Paddy 24/11/2017
Paddy walks into his GP's surgery and punches doctor!
He then shouts "You bastrd telling my wife she has
a nice fanny!" The doctor says "I told her she's got acute angina..!"
1 Comentarios, 17 Vistas,
6 Votos
,4.22 Puntuación |
|
Deodoranjt 20/11/2017
I got a new stick deodorant today. The instructions said: Remove cap and push up bottom. I can barely walk, but whenever I fart the room smells lovely.
1 Comentarios, 13 Vistas,
5 Votos
,4.45 Puntuación |
|
Near Death Experience 20/11/2017
A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the
hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death
experience. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"
God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months
and 8 days to live." Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital
and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and
a tummy tuck. She ...
0 Comentarios, 23 Vistas,
5 Votos
,3.80 Puntuación |
|
The Blonde and the Casino 20/11/2017
Two bored casino dealers were waiting at the craps table.
A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand
rand (R20, 000) on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much
luckier when I'm Completely nude." With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice
and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
...
0 Comentarios, 23 Vistas,
4 Votos
,4.41 Puntuación |
|
HOLY SOAP 14/11/2017
Two priests are off to the showers late one night. <br><br>
They undress and step into the showers before they realize
there is no soap. <br><br>
Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it,
not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, while he is halfway
down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way.. Having no place to ...
0 Comentarios, 21 Vistas,
5 Votos
,5.43 Puntuación |
|
Elderly Couple 13/11/2017
An elderly couple who were both widowed had been going out
with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends
they decided it was finally time to get married. Before
the wedding they went out to dinner and had a long conversation
regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed
finances, living arrangements, and so on. Finally, the
old gentleman decided it was time to broach the ...
1 Comentarios, 26 Vistas,
8 Votos
,4.41 Puntuación |
|
This old wino 10/11/2017
This old wino staggers into a bar and the barman immediately
told him to get out. The tramp said that he would only leave
if the barman gave him a cocktail stick. The barman, thinking
this was a fair exchange, gladly gave the man a cocktail
stick and watched him stagger back outside. <br><br>
A minute later another old wino walked into the bar and got
asked to leave by the barman. ...
1 Comentarios, 24 Vistas,
4 Votos
,4.80 Puntuación |
|
Frozen Wimdows 6/11/2017
Wife texts husband on a cold winters morning: "Windows frozen." Husband texts back: "pour some luke warm water over it." <br><br>
Wife texts back: <br><br>
<br><br>
"computer completely fucked now."
1 Comentarios, 23 Vistas,
9 Votos
,5.35 Puntuación |
|
Trouble sleeping 27/10/2017
The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office.
"What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked.
<br><br>
"Well, I, uh, " she stammered. "I think
I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac." <br><br>
"I see, " he said. "I can help you, but
I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour." <br><br>
"That's not ...
1 Comentarios, 38 Vistas,
10 Votos
,3.58 Puntuación |
|
Jewish Divorce 26/10/2017
A jewish girl calls her mother : 'Mum, I'm getting
a divorce'. 'A divorce? Why?' replied the shocked mother.
'Mum, all he wants his anal sex. I used to have a lovely
little arsehole, the size of a 5p piece. Now its the size
of a 50p piece'. The mother replies 'Sweetie, you have a lovely home,
a Porsche, a platinum credit card and have 4 foreign holidays
a year.... ...
0 Comentarios, 21 Vistas,
2 Votos
,3.81 Puntuación |
|
50 Years! 18/10/2017
The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember
the first time we had sex together over fifty years a go?
We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against
the back fence and I made love to you." Yes. she says. "I remember it well." OK, " he says, "How about taking a stroll around
there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"
...
0 Comentarios, 24 Vistas,
8 Votos
,4.64 Puntuación |
|
Vely Good 15/10/2017
A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City
restaurant and notices that the three Japanese businessmen
seated there are furiously masturbating. <br><br>
She yells, "What the hell do you guys think you are
doing?" <br><br>
One of the Japanese men explains, "Can't you
see? We are all berry hungry." <br><br>
The waitress ...
1 Comentarios, 31 Vistas,
9 Votos
,2.57 Puntuación |
|
How My Husband Broke His Arms.... 14/10/2017
Last year, when the power mower was broken and wouldn't
run, I kept hinting to my husband that he ought to get it fixed,
but somehow the message never sank in. Finally I thought
of a clever way to make the point. <br><br>
When my husband arrived home that day, he found me seated
in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair
of sewing scissors. <br><br>
He ...
0 Comentarios, 21 Vistas,
5 Votos
,1.84 Puntuación |
|
The British Way 12/10/2017
A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through
the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.
Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis only to
find a British soldier selling regimental ties. The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?" The soldier replied, "There is no water, the well
is dry. Would you like to buy a tie instead? They are only ...
0 Comentarios, 18 Vistas,
3 Votos
,3.92 Puntuación |
|
The Atheist and the Bear 11/10/2017
An atheist was walking through the woods. 'What majestic trees'! 'What powerful rivers'! 'What beautiful animals'! He said to himself. <br><br>
As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling
in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot
grizzly bear charge towards him. <br><br>
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He ...
0 Comentarios, 22 Vistas,
5 Votos
,4.12 Puntuación |
|
Fairy Tale 10/10/2017
One day, long, long ago, there was this woman who surprisingly,
did not whine, nag or bitch......... But it was a long time ago..... …and it was just the ONE day. The End
0 Comentarios, 10 Vistas,
0 Votos
|
|
Guy's Logic 10/10/2017
Lady: Do you drink? Man: Yes. <br><br>
Lady: How much a day? Man: Three 6 packs. <br><br>
Lady: How much per 6 pack? Man: About $10.00. <br><br>
Lady: And how long have you been drinking? Man: 15 years. <br><br>
Lady: So one 6 pack costs $10.00, and you have 3 packs a day
which puts your spending each month at $900. In one year,
it would be $10, 800 ...
0 Comentarios, 15 Vistas,
0 Votos
|
|
Fake two dollar bill 9/10/2017
On my way home from the second job I've taken for the
extra holiday cash I need, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick
bite to eat. In my wallet is a $50 bill and a $2 bill. That is
all of the cash I have on my person. I figure that with a $2
bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about
people getting upset with me. <br><br>
ME: "Hi, I'd like one seven layer ...
0 Comentarios, 18 Vistas,
1 Votos
,2.40 Puntuación |
|
Harrods 8/10/2017
Harrods <br><br>
*A young Aussie lad moved to London and went to Harrods looking
for a job. The manager asked 'Do you have any sales experience?'
The young man answered 'Yeah, I was a salesman back
home in Dubbo.' The manager liked the Aussie so he gave him the job. His first
day was challenging and busy, but he got through it. After
the store was locked up, the ...
0 Comentarios, 13 Vistas,
2 Votos
,1.73 Puntuación |
|
Random Jokes 8/10/2017
Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the
middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring and
farting, so I knew I made it home OK! <br><br>
<br><br>
The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for
making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we
should hold auditions for her part. <br><br>
I've accidentally ...
1 Comentarios, 15 Vistas,
2 Votos
,1.04 Puntuación |
|
Sent Packing 7/10/2017
My wife accused me of being a transvestite. So I packed her
things and left.
0 Comentarios, 17 Vistas,
4 Votos
,4.41 Puntuación |
|
LAWS OF INEVITABILITY 5/10/2017
LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will
begin to itch or you'll have to pee. LAW OF THE WORKSHOP Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible
corner. LAW OF PROBABILITY The probability of being watched is directly proportional
to the stupidity of your act. LAW OF THE TELEPHONE If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal. LAW ...
0 Comentarios, 11 Vistas,
1 Votos
,2.40 Puntuación |
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The Wedding Night 3/10/2017
Maria had just gotten married, and being a traditional
Ital ian she was still a virgin. On her wedding night, staying
at her mother's house, she was a very nervous. Her mother reassured her, "Don't worry, Maria,
John’s a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care
of you. Meanwhile, I'll be making pasta." So, uppa she went. When she got upstairs, John took off ...
0 Comentarios, 18 Vistas,
3 Votos
,2.94 Puntuación |
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TAKING A WOMAN TO BED 29/9/2017
What is the difference between girls/woman aged: 8, 18,
28, 38, 48, 58. 68, and 78 ? <br><br>
. At 8 -- You take her to bed and tell her a story. At 18 -- You tell her a story and take her to bed. <br><br>
At 28 -- You don't need to tell her a story to take her
to bed. <br><br>
At 38 -- She tells you a story and takes you to bed. <br><br> ...
0 Comentarios, 15 Vistas,
4 Votos
,1.69 Puntuación |
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A Few Thoughts For You 29/9/2017
• Those who can laugh without cause have either found
the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving
mad. Norm Papernick • Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, while
dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons? • Why is the man who invests all your money called a 'Broker'?
• Why isn't there a mouse flavoured cat food? • Why do they call the airport ...
1 Comentarios, 14 Vistas,
4 Votos
,3.63 Puntuación |
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The Lonely Widow 29/9/2017
Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent
over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that
she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly,
she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision
to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken
in the first place. Not wanting to miss ...
0 Comentarios, 18 Vistas,
4 Votos
,2.86 Puntuación |
|
Another Englishman, Irishman, Scotsman Joke 29/9/2017
There's an Englishman, Irishman & a Scotsman
all talking about their teenage daughters. The Englishman says "I was cleaning my daughter's
room the other day & I found a packet of cigarettes.
I was really shocked as I didn't even know she smokes".
The Scotsman says "That's nothing. I was cleaning
my daughter's room the other day when I came across
a ...
0 Comentarios, 15 Vistas,
2 Votos
,1.04 Puntuación |
|
Bruce And Sheila 29/9/2017
Bruce is driving over the Sydney Harbour Bridge one day
when he sees his girlfriend, Sheila about to throw herself
off. Bruce slams on the brakes and yells "Sheila, what
the hell d'ya think you're doing?" Sheila turns around with a tear in her eye and says, "G'day
Bruce. Ya got me pregnant and so now I'm gonna kill myself."
Bruce gets a lump in his throat ...
0 Comentarios, 17 Vistas,
3 Votos
,1.96 Puntuación |
|
LITTLE JOHNNY STRIKES AGAIN 29/9/2017
A grade school teacher in Kentucky asked her students to
use the word "fascinate" in a sentence. Molly
put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's
farm, and we all saw his pet sheep . It was fascinating."
The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you
to use the word "fascinate, not fascinating".
Sally raised her hand. She said, ...
0 Comentarios, 15 Vistas,
2 Votos
,1.73 Puntuación |
|
20 Rules for Successful Writing 26/9/2017
For those of you who write blogs and articles for the site,
here a a few simple rules for you. <br><br>
1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects 2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with 3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction 4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive 5. Avoid cliches like the plague 6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration 7. Be more or ...
0 Comentarios, 9 Vistas,
2 Votos
,2.42 Puntuación |
|
Strange Diseases 25/9/2017
A young couple left their wedding reception, arriving
at the hotel for the first night of their honeymoon. They
cracked the champagne and began undressing. When the groom removed his socks, his new wife said, "Your
toes Look all mangled and funny." "I had tolio as a child, " the husband replied.
"You mean polio?" she asked. "No, the disease only affected ...
0 Comentarios, 11 Vistas,
1 Votos
,2.40 Puntuación |
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Gas Prices in Paris - Tres Bien! 21/9/2017
A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the
Louvre. <br><br>
After careful planning, he got past security, stole the
paintings, and made it safely to his van. Only two blocks
away, however, he was captured when his van ran out of gas.
When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then
make such an obvious error, he replied, "Monsieur,
that is the reason I ...
0 Comentarios, 18 Vistas,
2 Votos
,2.42 Puntuación |
|
Divorce Letter 20/9/2017
Dear Husband: I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm
leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for
seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last
two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today
and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and
didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, ...
1 Comentarios, 29 Vistas,
1 Votos
,3.70 Puntuación |
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Little Johnny's Breakfast 20/9/2017
A grade three teacher is giving a lesson on nutrition, and
she decides to ask her students what they had for breakfast.
To add a spelling component, she asks the students to also
spell their answers. Susan puts up her hand and says she had an egg, 'E-G-G'.
'Very good', says the teacher. Peter says he had toast 'T-O-A-S-T'. 'Excellent.' Johnny has his hand up and ...
0 Comentarios, 13 Vistas,
1 Votos
,5.00 Puntuación |
|
Jack Schitt 19/9/2017
The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are at a loss
for a response when someone says; "You don't know Jack Schitt."
Now you can intellectually handle the situation. Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt,
the owner of the Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack. <br><br>
In turn, Jack Schitt ...
0 Comentarios, 10 Vistas,
1 Votos
,3.70 Puntuación |
|
Weight Loss 18/9/2017
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight
loss program. <br><br>
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands
before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed
in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around
her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of
the weight loss company. The sign reads, 'If you can
catch ...
0 Comentarios, 6 Vistas,
1 Votos
,5.00 Puntuación |
|
YOU Can Be The Man Of Your House 14/9/2017
He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his
wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said sternly, "From
now on, YOU need to know that I AM the MAN of this house, and
my word is law! You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight,
and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve
me a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner,
you are going to go upstairs with me, and ...
0 Comentarios, 12 Vistas,
1 Votos
,3.70 Puntuación |
|
Accident At The Toll Booth 13/9/2017
The driver of a huge trailer lost control of his rig, and
ploughed into an empty toll booth, smashing it to pieces.
Some time after the driver had reported the damage, he watched
as a repair truck pulled up and discharged a crew of workers.
They picked up each broken piece of the wreckage and spread
a creamy substance on it. Then they began fitting the pieces
together. In less than a half hour, ...
0 Comentarios, 13 Vistas,
1 Votos
,3.70 Puntuación |
|
Main Vice President 10/9/2017
Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President
of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to
his wife for weeks on end. <br><br>
Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him,
"Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president
of peas at the grocery store!". <br><br>
"Really?" he said. Not sure if this was ...
1 Comentarios, 22 Vistas,
1 Votos
,2.40 Puntuación |
|
Painting the Church 8/9/2017
There was a Scottish painter named Smokey Macgregor who
was very interested in making a penny where he could, so
he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further.
<br><br>
As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually
the Local Church decided to do a big restoration job on the
outside of one of their biggest buildings. <br><br>
Smokey ...
0 Comentarios, 14 Vistas,
1 Votos
|
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Tales From The Shire 7/9/2017
Two hobbits walk into a bar where one of them picks up a barfly.
They taker her to ta local motel; the first hobbit goes into
the motel room while the other waits outside. Once the door
closes, the hobbit on the outside hears starnge noises
through the door, "I can't do it, I can't
do it, I CAN'T DO IT!" In the morning, the second hobbit askes the first, "How
did it ...
0 Comentarios, 11 Vistas,
0 Votos
|
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EATING IN THE FIFTIES 7/9/2017
* Pasta had not been invented. * Curry was an unknown entity. * Olive oil was kept in the medicine cabinet * Spices came from the Middle East where we believed that
they were used for embalming * Herbs were used to make rather dodgy medicine. * A Takeaway was a mathematical problem. * A Pizza was something to do with a leaning tower. * Bananas and oranges only appeared at Christmas time.
* The ...
1 Comentarios, 19 Vistas,
2 Votos
,0.34 Puntuación |
|
New Windows 6/9/2017
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those
expensive, double-pane energy-efficient kind. Yesterday,
I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was
complaining that the windows had been installed a whole
year ago and I had not paid for them yet. Hellloooo? Now just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that
I am automatically stupid. So I told him just exactly ...
0 Comentarios, 12 Vistas,
0 Votos
|
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The Elderly Golfer 6/9/2017
An elderly golfer comes in after a good round of golf at the
new course and heads straight to the bar/restaurant area
of the club house. <br><br>
As he passes through the swinging doors, he spots a sign
hanging over the bar that reads: <br><br>
COLD BEER:£3.50 HAMBURGER: £4.50 CHEESEBURGER: £5.00 CHICKEN SANDWICH : £5.50 HAND JOB: £200.00 <br><br>
Checking ...
0 Comentarios, 13 Vistas,
1 Votos
,3.70 Puntuación |
|
The Salesman 3/9/2017
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only
to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a
vacuum cleaner. <br><br>
"Good morning, " said the young man. "If
I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to
demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."
<br><br>
"Go away!" said the old lady. ...
0 Comentarios, 13 Vistas,
2 Votos
,1.04 Puntuación |
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HOW LONG HAVE I GOT LEFT? 1/9/2017
A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor.
He asked "Give it to me straight. How long have I got?"
The physician replied that he doubted that his patient
would survive the night. The man then said "Call for
my lawyer." <br><br>
When the lawyer arrived, the man asked for his physician
to stand on one side of the bed, while the lawyer stood on
the ...
0 Comentarios, 11 Vistas,
0 Votos
|
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THIS IS WHY PARENTS DRINK!! 30/8/2017
A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished
to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked
up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the
pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.' <br><br>
With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with
trembling hands and read the letter. <br><br>
Dear Dad: It is with great regret and ...
0 Comentarios, 9 Vistas,
1 Votos
,5.00 Puntuación |
|
Tomatoes 27/8/2017
See if this works for yours (tomatoes that is) . . . <br><br>
<br><br>
A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn't
seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day, while taking a stroll, she
came upon a gentleman neighbour who had the most beautiful garden
full of huge red tomatoes. The woman asked the gentlemen, "What do you do to
get your tomatoes so ...
0 Comentarios, 8 Vistas,
1 Votos
,3.70 Puntuación |
|
Survey 26/8/2017
In a recent blowjob survey 7% of the men said they like the
feeling. 10% said they like the power and control. The rest
just enjoyed the peace and quiet.
1 Comentarios, 6 Vistas,
1 Votos
,5.00 Puntuación |
|
Funny Thoughts for the Day 24/8/2017
• Those who can laugh without cause have either found
the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving
mad. Norm Papernick • Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, while
dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons? • Why is the man who invests all your money called a 'Broker'?
• Why isn't there a mouse flavoured cat food? • Why do they call the airport ...
0 Comentarios, 8 Vistas,
1 Votos
|
|
The Irish v. The French! 23/8/2017
The French President is sitting in his office when his telephone
rings. <br><br>
'Hallo, Mr. Sarkozy!' a heavily accented voice
said. 'This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare,
Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially
declaring war on you! We voted to reject the Lisbon treaty!'
'Well Paddy, Sarkozy replied. How big is your army?' ...
0 Comentarios, 16 Vistas,
2 Votos
,1.73 Puntuación |
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A guy's guide to spotting Ms Wrong by the end of the first date 22/8/2017
When you're in the thick of a first date, judgement
may not be on your side. Often you'll find yourself
asking or agreeing to see her again, then waking up the next
morning to a clear-as-day realisation that you don't
want a second date at all. <br><br>
Rather than try to squeeze out of it once it's too late,
you should sharpen those powers of first-date perception. ...
0 Comentarios, 15 Vistas,
1 Votos
|
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EVEN MORE BLONDE QUESTIONS ANSWERED 18/8/2017
Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain ? A: Gifted! Q: How do blonde braincells die? A: Alone. Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? A: Pregnant. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde? A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence. Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders? A: Because they ...
1 Comentarios, 13 Vistas,
2 Votos
,1.73 Puntuación |
|
Pumpkin 17/8/2017
This was apparently in the Washington Post .... The title of the article was Best Come Back Line Ever.'
In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year
old white male resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch
11:38 p.m. on Friday. Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour,
public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett
County Courthouse on Monday. The ...
0 Comentarios, 7 Vistas,
2 Votos
,5.20 Puntuación |
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SKIRT ZIPPER 15/8/2017
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became
aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come
up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver,
she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking
that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She
tried to take the step, only to ...
0 Comentarios, 7 Vistas,
2 Votos
,3.81 Puntuación |
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DATING RITUALS of women 10/8/2017
CANADIAN WOMEN
First date: You get to kiss her goodnight. Second date: You get to grope all over and make out. Third date: You get to have sex, but only in the missionary
position.
IRISH WOMEN
First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex. Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex. 20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
ITALIAN ...
0 Comentarios, 10 Vistas,
2 Votos
,3.81 Puntuación |
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Irish Radio Phone In Quiz 9/8/2017
Some belters from Larry Gogans radio show phone in quiz
called the "just a minute quiz"
(Larry) Q. Something a blind man might use? (Contestant) A. A sword
(L.) Q. A song with the word moon in the title? C.) A. Blue suede moon
L.) Q. Name the capital of France? C.) A. "F"
L.) Q. Name a bird with a long neck? C.) A. Naomi Campbell ...
0 Comentarios, 9 Vistas,
1 Votos
,5.00 Puntuación |
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Letter From The Boss 8/8/2017
Memorandum
TO: All employees FROM: The boss DATE:August 8th, 2017 RE: Foul Language
It has been brought to management's attention that
some individuals throughout the company have been using
foul language during the course of normal conversation
with their coworkers. Due to complaints received from
some employees who are easily offended, this type of language
will be ...
0 Comentarios, 11 Vistas,
1 Votos
,2.40 Puntuación |
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Earrings 6/8/2017
Earrings
Have you ever wondered why some men wear earrings?
A man was at work one day when he noticed his co-worker was
wearing an earring. Knowing his co-worker to be a normally
conservative fellow, he was curious about his sudden change
in "fashion sense." The man walks up to his co-worker
and said, "I didn't know you were into earrings."
"Don't make such a ...
0 Comentarios, 19 Vistas,
6 Votos
,3.93 Puntuación |
|
Poor Elton 2/8/2017
Elton John goes into the doctor's office and has some
tests run. The doctor comes back and says "Elton,
I'm not going to beat around the bush. You have HIV."
Elton is devastated. "Doc, what can I do?"
Doc says "Eat one sausage, one head of cabbage, 20
unpeeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, ten Jalapeno peppers,
40 walnuts and 40 peanuts, 1/2 box of All Bran cereal and
top it ...
0 Comentarios, 15 Vistas,
1 Votos
,3.70 Puntuación |