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Silence as “Punishment” Question: “My Sir and I had a bad stretch, messy on both sides. We’re repairing bridges, but he tells me I have to accept punishment: no communication from him for 48 hours. He says he’ll be thinking of me the whole time, but no communication whatsoever for two whole days. Have you ever punished a girl this way?” Hell, no, I haven’t! And I can’t imagine any sane, responsible Dom inflicting such a “punishment”! No matter what is going on in a D/s relationship, no matter how draconian the punishment that is called for, a Dominant’s one immutable responsibility is to be present for his girl. Sometimes that’s hard, sometimes life gets in the way, sometimes presence is very attenuated. But to use silence and withdrawal of presence as punishment? Not to put too fine a point on it, that is nothing but psychological abuse. I haven’t heard anything so horrible since the Ask awhile back asking “Is my Dom using my deepest phobias an acceptable form of punishment?” You are dealing with one of two things here. Either he’s a psychological abuser, in which case he is a dangerous man. Or he’s a wannabe “Dom” who doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing, in which case he’s an even more dangerous man. You need to have a serious conversation and explain that this “punishment” is not acceptable, and you won’t allow it. If he balks, then you need to shut that shit down at once. instuctor144~  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.” |
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2/13/2019 2:00 am |
Punishment isn’t supposed to be fun. Without knowing the specifics of the dynamic, or the particular situation, I couldn’t comment on the punishment imposed. 
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1/22/2019 12:48 pm |
What gives you that idea? 
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Punishment isn’t supposed to be fun. Without knowing the specifics of the dynamic, or the particular situation, I couldn’t comment on the punishment imposed.
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I can not see this as punishment.... communication is the foundation of any relationship
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There is punishment, and then there's abuse. This is abuse. It can't be sugarcoated by blaming the submissive for causing it. In other parts of the world, the silent treatment is regarded as a marker of a personality disorder. I experienced this and my opinion is based on fact.
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1/21/2019 4:33 am |
It's like the cliche of the bitch wife that says "I'm not talking to you" and if you wonder what she's on about all you'll get is "you should know." Been there, done that, and it was a very emotionally abusive relationship.
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I am torn, I see your point, and I have felt the effects of this sort of punishment. Early in my training with my first real Dom, I was struggling to fully submit. To give myself to his will. He did it twice, once for 12 hours and another much shorter. It was pure misery, he consumed my every thought, much more knowing he had chosen to deny me than if we just had busy days and couldn't connect. I learned so much from that, my dependence grew, or at least, I more fully understood how much I needed him. I think it made me a better sub and it was a bit of a test of our bond.
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1/21/2019 2:30 am |
48 hours. 48 minutes. If silence is to be deemed as punishment, is there a time limit to it, some point where it becomes psychological abuse?
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1/21/2019 12:20 am |
if it doesnt hurt its not really punishment
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No communication or ignoring a submissive are not punishments. They are like abandonment. It is one thing to be separated for work, travel, illness or reasons why they can't communicate . But purposely ignoring or otherwise ignoring a submissive. That is just plain cruel and stupid. I guess in the long run he does not truly value the submissive. "One Big Sky Covers Us All Equally"
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I agree with this wholeheartedly. Being ignored is the worst punishment there is. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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